advertorial

Hi there,

You need to work on getting the reader's attention with a to-the-point headline and lead. I don't see a news-style headline here, which is a key feature of an advertorial.

Also, your first paragraph has to be something exciting and informative about your main subject (Smeals Deals), not a general introduction.

I haven't read the piece in detail - but your readers won't, either, unless you put something more motivating right up front.

Marcia Yudkin

Advertorials should look like articles. Here's a 1/2 page advertorial from today's paper...



Variations of this ad have run at least a dozen times this year.

My attempt to incorporate your input.

HEADLINE : The Best Deal For Placeville

Placeville, Ontario has thousands of awesome local businesses that you don't even know about. Local businesses offering riches like warm gooey cinnamon buns, world class pizza generously appointed with fresh locally grown toppings or a dance studio run by one of the top ranked ballroom dancers in the world. Smeals Deals wants to connect you with these local treasures.

"Smeals Deals is still pretty new, but we are discovering amazing gems every week and adding them to the site. We have a few dozen now and aim to feature over 100 local merchants by 2014. We love signing up our favourite businesses and have a wish list feature on the site so shoppers can inform us and vote for the ones that they really love."

Most local business owners are regular people that were passionate enough about something that it inspired ideas about how to offer that something better. Like BodyUpgraded gym whose fast-paced dynamic bootcamps are changing people's lives.

It's a hard fact that even great businesses fail all the time because they cannot get their message across to shoppers. Business owner and entrepreneur for over 20 years, Wendel Fakename aims to change this with Smeals Deals.

Wendel explains "We strive to connect consumers with local businesses. I mean really connect them. We are now doing vendor interview videos so you can see the businesses and get a sense of the people that run them.. Interested in a vendor? Take advantage of their deal then subscribe to their future deals. It is easy for the shoppers and easy for the merchants."

Shoppers familiar with group buying websites, will find that Smeals Deals is a different type of deal site. Vendors always have a "Smeal Deal." A Smeal Deal is something sustainable to welcome new customers and reward existing customers for their loyalty. Businesses can get a little more adventurous with their "Flash Deal." An additional deal which is often available for a short time or limited to a specific number of redemptions. "We think flash deals will be a great tool for businesses to generate activity when they would otherwise be slow. Subscribers get a juicy deal and the vendor gets to shape the flow of business. We don't take any commission so the businesses can experiment without alot of additional overhead. We expect great deals to be had once vendors have built up enough subscribers to make it worth their time." Many new Smeals vendors are offering giveaway prizes to a randomly drawn subscriber once they reach a prescribed level. Typically 100 or 200 subscribers. Prizes such as a $50 Cheese Basket from CheeseKing.

Smeals Deals also plans to take aim at the group buying sites in September with Doorbuster Deals like a $20 voucher for only $8 at Tasty's, Free Coffee (no purchase neccessary) from one of Placeville's favourite coffee vendors and $5 medium gourmet pizzas from Pizzaggios. They will be announced to Smeals users who will have to pre-register to claim the deals or freebies online before supplies run out.

"Everyone is tired of getting information that they didn't ask for. As a Smeal Shopper, you are only sent deals from businesses or categories that you subscribe to. Instantly, daily or weekly - your choice."

First Placeville, then the world. The struggles of being a small business are not unique to Placeville. "Focusing on local businesses in our own front yard is both professionally and personally rewarding for us. We do have a strategy for quickly expanding this concept into other markets and we will do that when we are ready. For the moment, we continue to learn from our merchants and our shoppers and smealsdeals.com is adapting at a rapid rate. Placeville is the birthplace of the next evolution of a deal site."

Common new copywriter mistake, you get to the "meat" about halfway down the page. Most people won't read that far down unless they get the summary and benefits right away.