Gentlemen, Please Help Me Raise $199

12 years ago

Originally Posted by Jonathan 2.0

Hey,

I have to raise some money to put towards a Business Loan and I'm hoping to make $199 in 14 day's time. (By Tuesday 28th October). By capitalizing on my skills as a Copywriter. I'm no Gary Halbert, however, I believe I'm good enough to charge for my services and (more importantly) provide value to my Clients.

Here's my main idea so far:

Creating a WSO for my "Instant Headline Transformation" service at http://www.instant-headlines.com/

I have a couple of questions regarding that idea:

1. I have to convert 4 clients at $57 each to raise enough money. Do you think I'd get enough traffic/interest to reach that goal with a WSO?
And:
2. Is there anything else I should know that will make my WSO more successful? Should I also post in Warriors For Hire? Something else?

...

Also is there any other way I can raise that $199 by selling my Copywriting services?

Maybe contacting Clients another way? Or perhaps doing some jobs on eLance (etc?) (I'm willing to do absolutely anything to reach my goal.)

I have tremendous respect for you Ladies and Gentlemen.

So Thank You in advance. : )

You could easily raise that in a few days with a better written sales letter. I believe this is the problem right here...

Mistake #1--

Their headline immediately communicates: "I'm trying to sell you something." People don't like being sold to. If you want to increase your website profits remember: The more informative your advertising, the more persuasive it will be.

...do you really believe that?

Where did you hear it anyway?

Maybe that applies for prospects at the infant stages of the buying cycle, but not if they're looking for a solution to a problem or for a specific type of product. And informative doesn't equal persuasive. You can overload people by revealing too much.

Maybe this is why you're stuck scraping for $199.

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Jonathan 2.0

Banned 12 years ago

Thanks for the feedback everyone: Much appreciated. : ) It would also be wonderful if you could answer the following question.

Also is there any other way I can raise that $199 by selling my Copywriting services?

Maybe contacting Clients another way? Or perhaps doing some jobs on eLance (etc?) (I'm willing to do absolutely anything to reach my goal.)

Cheers.

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Chriswrighto

12 years ago

Originally Posted by Jonathan 2.0

Thanks for the feedback everyone: Much appreciated. : ) It would also be wonderful if you could answer the following question.

Cheers.

Why not just launch a WFH post offering your copywriting services for $297 or so?

Make it clear that it's a OTO.

You're going to need a reason why... perhaps because you've found yourself with some free time and a business loan to pay-off... so rather than pull money out of your other growing business (and limit it's growth), you'll make this a win-win offer for you both.

All you need to do is ask for the money upfront.

This may be a bit too time-consuming for what you were thinking. It depends on how long it'll take you to write your WFH and the client's work.

Anyhoo...

Have fun,

Chris

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Jonathan 2.0

Banned 12 years ago

Thank you Chris and Steve. : ) That's exactly the kind of constructive, helpful, and professional advice I was hoping for.

I think I'll definitely go with the "Warrior For Hire" idea. (As well as a WSO.)

Anyone else?

Thanks

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The Copy Nazi

Banned 12 years ago

[DELETED]

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Jonathan 2.0

Banned 12 years ago

Lol. You communicate like you have a severe disability The Copy Nazi. (I hope for your sake that you don't go around talking to people like that otherwise you're going to end up very lonely.)

However, I do respect you as a Copywriter and your advice has been well noted. So Thank You for your time.

Sincerely,
Jonathan

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The Copy Nazi

Banned 12 years ago

Originally Posted by Jonathan 2.0

Lol. You communicate like you have a severe disability The Copy Nazi. (I hope for your sake that you don't go around talking to people like that otherwise you're going to end up very lonely. )

However, I do respect you as a Copywriter and your advice has been well noted. So Thank You for your time.

Sincerely,
Jonathan

Yeah I have a severe disability. It's called idontmincemywords. Clients love it. So tell me... how many millions have you made for your clients in your illustrious career?

Your advice has been well noted - I doubt that very much. But go ahead - whip up a fabulous flyer for your Instant Headlines. Prove me wrong.

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The Copy Nazi

Banned 12 years ago

You're a self-styled headline writer and yet your own page has this limp-wristed effort -

"How To Write A More Persuasive Headline--That Will Zoooom Your Website Revenue Into Overdrive!"

The rest of that page is a yawn-fest and then you wrap it up with this bizarre offer -

Submit the form at the end of this post to see if you're accepted for my "Instant Headline Transformation" service.
Success Step #2--
After your headline has been perfected--and you've submitted the $57 service fee--I'll e-mail your new headline that you can immediately copy and paste into your sales letter. Next, measure the increase in conversion and reply to my e-mail.

You're protected by my no-risk guarantee. If, in the unlikelihood that I haven't increased your conversion ratio (after 3 re-writes) simply let me know and I'll refund 100% of your service fee.
But you must act now. At the time of posting, there are only 19 "Instant Headline Transformation" placements available.

Only 19 placements available? Wow. I best hurry.

Seriously dude. You need to go back to square one. I notice you quote Sugarman. Have you read his "Adweek Copywriting Handbook"? If not... send me an email and I'll send it to you. But this ^ rubbish isn't going to fly. Not even as a WSO. It's a dead duck. There is no starving crowd there waiting to give you $57 for a headline.

Chin up.

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angiecolee

12 years ago

Gotta work on those headlines, dude.

If you inadvertently turn off the audience in your only shot at grabbing their attention by the balls (figuratively speaking of course, since I'm not actually a gentleman), then you're dead in the water.

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MatthewRHallEsq

12 years ago

My reaction when I first saw your page: "WHOAMG what format is this?"

There's a reason so many landing pages follow the same basic format: it makes your website transparent. You want to decrease the amount of thinking your visitors do about anything other than your offer.

The word "Zooooom" made me laugh, but not in a good way. It felt like I was reading a kid's book.

Except I'm not reading a kid's book. I'm reading an offer targeted at adults who will be annoyed at seeing "Zoooom" in a supposedly professional site.

Somewhat ironically, your headline breaks all three of your rules. It's obviously trying to sell me something, it shows you don't know your market, and it is trying to be too clever with it's zoooooooooooooom.

Also, your anchor links on the side are broken, at least for me. And wtf is going on with the page format? Is this a weird static blog thing? Why is your name and post date all over the place? That's a major red flag that I'm working with a rookie. Why is every headline in quotation marks? You know quotation marks mean you're quoting someone and relying on an implied authority, right?

This is a little harsh, sorry. I'm on a new diet. But I'd echo what everyone else said and start from scratch. Follow the format everyone else is using – it works for a reason. Get better at copywriting, and you can make an extra $200 in two hours' time (like I did this morning). I'm happy to help you build a landing page that won't be as terrible as the one you're using.

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Raydal 12 years ago

Originally Posted by MatthewRHallEsq

This is a little harsh, sorry. I'm on a new diet.

I try to laugh at least one time every day. I usually watch an episode
of Everybody loves Raymond for this. But you gave me my first laugh
for today.

Thank you!

-Ray Edwards
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Carsten Tiensuu

12 years ago

Try crowd Funding to raise money for your project. It can be very rewarding if you have a great idea.

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Steve The Copywriter

12 years ago

Is there any other way I can raise that $199 by selling my Copywriting services?

Yes there is.

In 3 steps.

Write a Flyer promoting your copywriting services (hint call it "Ad writing" because not many know what copywriting means)

(critical bonus step - make it enticing, persuasive and irresistible with a "timed" limited offer)

Knock it out to the local businesses you would like to work for.

Go home and wait for the phone to ring.

If it doesn't. Two things happened.

Either the Flyer was a dud.

And/Or...

You didn't give out enough.

Fix those and you'll always have a great income source.

Steve

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Steve The Copywriter

12 years ago

Btw -

Apart from your own headline your "Instant Headline Transformation" isn't all that bad.

(some info on a few formula's. A reasonable offer. And a good guarantee)

It may be worth a punt as a WSO.

I would bang on a bit more about how critical the headline is.

Reinforce this by saying it is also vital to have a excellent product or service with an outstanding offer (you don't want to be swamped with shams and scams).

I would make it a "limited" deal (prove why it is - not the usual passé nonsense).

I wouldn't offer 1 headline but 3.

To hit the jackpot in one go is a little difficult.

So I would emphasise how important it is to "test" them (this increases your chances of success).

Each one getting great results - and then there it is - the big winner

And then bang on a bit more about the "losses" a poor headline creates. And why you'll never, ever right a "poor" one.

Then tell them again about the dramatic increase in sales the "right" headline produces.

Your people MUST be on a new emotional high, bright neon lights flashing in their heads drooling about the colossal extra money they'll make screaming "Yees! He's so right, I've got a great product but now I know exactly what's been "missing", I NEED a much better headline because that is what CAN make me rich. Lets get on with it"

Steve

P.S. There is a slight "flaw" in offering just the "Headlines" because the opening of a pitch should normally lead on from the headline.

You could offer 3 Headlines and 3 Openers.

Another "flaw" - is using the word "instant". It works well if people are writing their own Headlines (you may not have heard of him but a guy called Yanik Silver started his empire with a e book on instant "do your own" headlines).

What you could do is indicate that your "instant" means "immediate" increases in visitors, sales and revenue.

But you spend a LOT of time in creating the headlines to ensure they do work.

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Steve The Copywriter

12 years ago

The days of writing a flyer and going home to wait for the phone to ring are over.

I've been writing Flyers, to be fair it's mainly Postcards.

Been knocking them out for clients for over 28 years.

And the phones do ring with eager customers ready to buy.

It's not over just yet.

Steve

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The Copy Nazi

Banned 12 years ago

Originally Posted by Steve The Copywriter

The days of writing a flyer and going home to wait for the phone to ring are over.

I've been writing Flyers, to be fair it's mainly Postcards.

Been knocking them out for clients for over 28 years.

And the phones do ring with eager customers ready to buy.

It's not over just yet.

Steve

For an offer like this? Instant headlines? One headline... for $57. After you fill in a form and wait for him to get back to you? Do me a favour...

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Steve The Copywriter

12 years ago

Originally Posted by The Copy Nazi

For an offer like this? Instant headlines? One headline... for $57. After you fill in a form and wait for him to get back to you? Do me a favour...

No I probably wouldn't do Postcards for this gig (actually I might..following my own advice on thread 11 - so if it f***** up I could only blame myself).

Anyway the question I answered was…

"Is there any OTHER way I can raise that $199 by selling my Copywriting services?"

I took that as meaning NOT "instantly transformational headlines"

And of course I immediately rabbited on about fabulous Flyers and phenomenal Postcards.

Because they are the best most proven medium to work sensationally well in the whole wide world ever.

Steve

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The Copy Nazi

Banned 12 years ago

Originally Posted by Steve The Copywriter

No I probably wouldn't do Postcards for this gig (actually I might..following my own advice on thread 11 - so if it f***** up I could only blame myself).

Anyway the question I answered was...

"Is there any OTHER way I can raise that $199 by selling my Copywriting services?"

I took that as meaning NOT "instantly transformational headlines"

And of course I immediately rabbited on about fabulous Flyers and phenomenal Postcards.

Because they are the best most proven medium to work sensationally well in the whole wide world ever.

Steve

Whatever. But you still have the problem with the offer. Instant headlines - that aren't instant. $57 for one. I'd bang out headlines all day if the punters paid me $57 each. I could probably do 500.

But whichever way you look at it - that's not an "irresistible offer" to a "hungry crowd".

He would be better off giving them a bunch of headlines. To test. And/or a bunch of headlines and subheads/deck. Or taking it further and writing them a short, punchy salespage.

But I really can't see people falling over themselves to fill in a form and wait for a headline that may or may not work.

You're not doing him any favours encouraging him to do flyers/postcards without addressing the weak offer.

They are not the only problems. But the kid's got the hump so I'll butt out. Sorry I even commented. Bloody poms.

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Jonathan 2.0

Banned 12 years ago

P.S.
Oh I'm sorry. Our Copy Nazi deleted his post.

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Lizfish

12 years ago

Jonathan, if you believe you are good enough, then go out and make the sales and do everything you can to please your clients so that they become fans. There are some people in this world who would be willing to give you a try, even if you lack experience. In my opinion, enthusiasm goes a long way and if you can convince enough clients that you will give it your best, then you will get clients. Try peopleperhour.com and elance.com too. PM me your details as I am always looking for writers, for both myself and my clients. Good luck and keep on pushing!

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Jonathan 2.0 Banned 12 years ago

Thanks for the advice and support Lizfish.

Yeah, I'm going to do whatever it takes to make this work. All I have to do is convert 4 clients and I've reached my goal. And, like my website states, I will increase their CR or they don't pay me a single penny. That's a good deal IMO.

Thanks again. : )
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- Lizfish 12 years ago
  
  Shoot me your details Jonathan - I will see if I can help and I'm happy to put a message through my social media profiles. I am based in the UK too
  
  Thanks
  
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Steve The Copywriter

12 years ago

Blimey Mal are your eyes going. Don't worry I've been wearing glasses for decades.

Getting used to the varifocals 2 years ago was a challenge I was like a demented nodding dog for 6 months.

Anyway… once again.

I didn't say do Flyers for the "headline transformational whatever"

I did say do Flyers as ANOTHER way to promote copywriting services (as in WRITING copy not just knocking out headlines).

I totally agree with all your thoughts on the headline gig.

I mentioned a few of them on my "critique" thread.

Steve

P.S. You may be right Jonathan could have the hump. Luckily he names himself as a "spiritual warrior".

Not surprisingly after a tough 15 round bout on this here copywriting forum it may help to go on a long "reprieve"

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The Copy Nazi

Banned 12 years ago

Jonathon... you've heard of "sell the sizzle not the steak"? You're not selling headlines. I'd hazard a guess that not many people are Googling "headline writing service" or the like. They might be after a "headline tool" or a "free headline generator" or some such.

You're selling a means to an end. As in "Get to the top of Google"..."Get people to really notice your offer"... "Have your list drooling for what you have".

Get it? So it's more like "I have a secret weapon that's going to turn that under-performing salespage/email/brochure/etc into a powerhouse that spurts out money like a broken firehose" (that's not very good but give me a break - I'm in the middle of something else).

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Mark Pescetti

12 years ago

Originally Posted by The Copy Nazi

Jonathon... you've heard of "sell the sizzle not the steak"? You're not selling headlines. I'd hazard a guess that not many people are Googling "headline writing service" or the like. They might be after a "headline tool" or a "free headline generator" or some such.

You're selling a means to an end. As in "Get to the top of Google"..."Get people to really notice your offer"... "Have your list drooling for what you have".

Get it? So it's more like "I have a secret weapon that's going to turn that under-performing salespage/email/brochure/etc into a powerhouse that spurts out money like a broken firehose" (that's not very good but give me a break - I'm in the middle of something else).

This.

If you're so dead set on the headline pitch, at least rewrite your copy to reflect this.

Mark

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Jonathan 2.0 Banned 12 years ago

Yeah. That's amazing advice. Thanks Copy Nazi.
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Steve The Copywriter

12 years ago

Another spin could be using a Ted Nicholas line.

Which was something like...

"You are 17 words away from making your fortune"

Lots of angles you could use - 17 or less words to get you to numero uno on google.

Doesn't have to be 17 words - Million $ words etc etc.

Steve