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Could someone give me feedback for a press release?

by Nicholas Vetri
4 replies
I'm very new to copywriting and I'm doing my first press release. Could someone read it and give me feedback? I will be adding a quote from the LIBI later. Thank you so much.




FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
News From Long Island Builders Institute
Date Line 3/12/2018
Contact: Nick Vetri (631) 977 2340
nicholasjbvetri@gmail.com

PRESS RELEASE: The L. I. Builders Institute's $10,000 Remodeling Giveaway Will Give One Family the Chance to Finally Renovate Their House.

Melville, New York March 12th, 2018 The L.I. Builders Institute, at its 28th Annual Home, Trade and Remodeling Expo, will give one family the opportunity to finally get their kitchen or bathroom redone. L.I. Builders Institute will hold a $10,000 drawing on Thursday March 22nd at 7:30pm that could help one family make the changes to their home they have been waiting for.
The expo takes place from 3pm-8pm at the Hilton Long Island on Route 110 in Melville.
In addition the chance to win the drawing, the event will contain many established companies that focus in construction and remodeling. The expo is useful to anyone who wants to shop for home improvement or even to ask technical questions to experts. It is also a local business networking opportunity.
Long Island Builders Institute, formed in 1941, is a prominent trade association that works to improve the economy, environment, and business opportunities of Long Island. For more information go to libi.org or contact the organization at 631-232-2345.
#feedback #give #press #release
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  • Profile picture of the author JohnMcCabe
    At first glance, I hope that the quote you get isn't as dull as the part you posted.

    Your headline has about 5 seconds to catch an editor's eye. In the old days, editors read news releases next to the "circular file" and nowadays do so with a finger on the delete key.

    It's not a bad first draft - all the essential facts are there. It just needs pizzazz.

    Start with the headline. If they don't read the headline, they won't read the body.

    Maybe something along the lines of:

    One Family Will Leave the LI Builders Expo With a Dream Kitchen or Bath Worth $10,000


    Create some buzz, some curiosity.

    Go through the rest of the release, sentence by sentence, and see how you can inject some anticipation and excitement into the promo.

    Remember, you have two audiences to "sell" on your release -- first, you have to sell the editor/publisher/news director that your release is newsworthy. Second, you have to sell readers on going to the show and entering the drawing.

    I'd move the expo hours/days to just above the LIBI blurb at the end. I'd also lose the line about being a business networking event. The exhibitors probably aren't there to network, they're there to generate leads and sales.

    Like I said, good first effort. Now comes the part that separates the pros from the amateurs - editing and polishing. You already made one pro move, asking for feedback.
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  • Profile picture of the author YourGoToWriter
    The press release you shared is okay. It has the basic parts that a press release requires. But I also agree with John McCabe that it should be able to stir up your audience's curiosity, especially in the title. But then again, I don't think press releases are still a thing nowadays. -Micah
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    • Profile picture of the author JohnMcCabe
      Originally Posted by YourGoToWriter View Post

      The press release you shared is okay. It has the basic parts that a press release requires. But I also agree with John McCabe that it should be able to stir up your audience's curiosity, especially in the title. But then again, I don't think press releases are still a thing nowadays. -Micah
      Maybe press releases aren't as big on the global or national stage anymore. I know they don't have the 'oomph' they used to have for SEO until the spammers buried the PR sites with digital manure.

      But for local events like this one, news releases can be very effective in generating local media coverage. If a simple release can generate a two minute segment on the local morning news, drive time radio, or local talk show, it can stir up a lot of interest.

      And a $10k remodel giveaway is just the type of thing many local media outlets like to feature.
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