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Free Headline Rewrites v2

by Chris Ramsey
16 replies
A while back I started a pretty successful thread offering to help Warriors rewrite their headlines for free. Well, this is version 2 of that thread.

Here's how it works...

Post your current headline - or information about your product. I'll then dig into my archive of headline formula's and pull out 3-5 new headlines that should convert fairly well for you.

Pro's: You get a headline written by a full-time copywriter that specializes in attention-grabbing copy.

Cons: Because I'm not thoroughly researching your product or service market, I can't construct a headline that speaks directly to your prospects soul. What I can do is use my proven headline formulas to craft a headline that's worthy of being tested on your sales page.

As I am currently out of the US, I only have so much time online each day. It may take up to 48 hours to respond to your request (especially if there are a lot of them) so please be patient.

If any other copywriters want to join in and help me out here, I'm more than happy to let you do that.

So what do you say? Let's get the ball rolling.
#free #headline #rewrites
  • Profile picture of the author Jeremy Gatica
    Hi Chris here are my headline and sub headlines: ( iput both because it may be easier to combine into one or for reference)

    Custom Minisite Design No Longer Needs To Dig Into Your Children's Inheritance!

    Just Imagine Receiving A "Custom Designed" Minisite Every Week For Less Than That 6 Pack Of Energy Shots!


    Thank you
    Jeremy
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    • Profile picture of the author Hugh Thyer
      Without getting too picky, these headlines of yours already have major flaws in them.

      1. Who thinks a minisite costs so much that it would actually have an impact on your children's inheritance? Nobody thinks it costs THAT much, so it fails to connect with the conversation that's arleady going on in your prospect's head.
      2. Do your prospects have children?
      3. Even if they do, are they at the point in their lives they're thinking about their children's inheritance.
      4. What the hell does a 6 pack of energy shots cost? What is an energy shot anyway???

      I know, your headline is a joke, trying to add some humour. Don't do this. A headline is not a joke, nor should it be clever.

      Over to you Chris...
      Signature

      Ever wondered how copywriters work with their clients? I've answered that very question in detail-> www.salescomefirst.com
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      • Profile picture of the author MarkAndrews IMCopywriting
        [DELETED]
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        • Profile picture of the author danmart
          Ok here is another one... I know that it needs work....

          Stop Thieves From Stealing Your Products And Dramatically Increase Your Product Sales.


          Revolutionary New Software Puts You In Control Of Your Product Sales Campaigns!
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          • Profile picture of the author Chris Ramsey
            Originally Posted by Jeremy Gatica View Post

            Hi Chris here are my headline and sub headlines: ( iput both because it may be easier to combine into one or for reference)

            Custom Minisite Design No Longer Needs To Dig Into Your Children's Inheritance!

            Just Imagine Receiving A "Custom Designed" Minisite Every Week For Less Than That 6 Pack Of Energy Shots!


            Thank you
            Jeremy
            I don't have a whole lot of time right now, but in the morning I'll take a quick run-through of your sales letter and see what I come up with.

            Originally Posted by danmart View Post

            Ok here is another one... I know that it needs work....

            Stop Thieves From Stealing Your Products And Dramatically Increase Your Product Sales.


            Revolutionary New Software Puts You In Control Of Your Product Sales Campaigns!
            Can you provide a little more information on your product? What does it do? Who is it targeting?
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          • Profile picture of the author Chris Ramsey
            Originally Posted by danmart View Post

            Stop Thieves From Stealing Your Products And Dramatically Increase Your Product Sales.
            Finally Released... Revolutionary New Software That Stops Product Pirates Dead In Their Tracks

            How Much Is Product Piracy Costing Your Company?
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            • Profile picture of the author danmart
              Originally Posted by Chris Ramsey View Post

              Finally Released... Revolutionary New Software That Stops Product Pirates Dead In Their Tracks

              How Much Is Product Piracy Costing Your Company?
              Thanks Chris This is a much better version... I can't believe that this thread isn't getting more action!!

              Dan
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    • Profile picture of the author Chris Ramsey
      Originally Posted by Jeremy Gatica View Post

      Custom Minisite Design No Longer Needs To Dig Into Your Children's Inheritance!
      How One Man Used A Professional Minisite Design To Increase Conversions By Over 2400% (You'd have to edit this to fit a true story you have)

      Why A Simple $37 Investment Could Save You Hundreds And Make You Thousands

      How To Increase Your Sales By XX% In The Next 24 Hours!
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  • Profile picture of the author ScoTech
    This is an awesome thread Chris, Please review mine if you get a chance. It is for an ebook on saving money on flights.


    "Downsized Ticket Agent Reveals How The Airlines Rip You Off And How To Save Big On All Your Flights..."
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  • Profile picture of the author Asher
    Hi Chris,

    That's awfully nice of you

    Here's something you could take a look at and
    input your points of view as well~

    http://www.warriorforum.com/copywrit...-new-post.html

    Thanks~ (I'll throw the thanks button on you )

    Asher
    Signature
    Asher Aw
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  • Profile picture of the author mtucker
    Hello, trying to get people to input some info to generate leads for a car salesperson. How does this sound, "Drive Away in a Nearly New Car and Don't Pay a Cent Until 2010!" and then I have the info fields below it.

    Thanks for your feedback.
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  • Profile picture of the author Chris Ramsey
    Haven't had a chance to look here for a few days. Staying in a city with very little internet at the moment, so it may take a little longer than expected.
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    • Profile picture of the author Ashley Gable
      Hi Chris, Heres one from me. To get a pros point of view will no doubt be extremely helpful! This is for an ebook that shows people how to start and run an airbrush tattoo booth.



      "If You're Looking At Getting Into The Airbrush Tattoo Business ... Then This Will Be The Most Important Message You'll Ever Read ...
      " In As Little As 3 Weeks (Or Less) From Today You Could Be Setup At The Most Profitable, Most Trafficked Locations In Your Area ... Making Money With Your Portable, Inexpensive And Easy-To-Run Airbrush Tattoo Booth!"
      "5 Year Veteran Of The Airbrush Tattoo World Reveals The 'Secrets' To A Successful, Fun And Profitable Airbrush Tattoo Business ... From Equipment to Customer Service ... Finally Get A Complete Step-By-Step Guide To One Of The Easiest, Low Cost, Low Start Up and Hottest Businesses Available Today!"
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  • Profile picture of the author matthewd
    Hey Chris,

    Great idea.

    How about a headline for a guitar lesson site?

    I don't have an example to show you b/c I don't have
    a good headline yet.

    Thanks,
    Matt
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  • Profile picture of the author Ludovic
    Salespage Here
    Here are two different headlines:
    #1
    ______

    WARNING! You've Just Landed On A Very Limited and Exclusive Offer That Will Allow You to Instantly Profit 100% From, As 40 Other NEW Products Are Created FOR YOU Every Single Month!

    #2
    _____________
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    [50% OFF] Warriors, Sneak Peak Inside The Best Web Based Spinner - 72HRs Only (Open Now!)
    USE Promo Code: 50WSOPLRSAVINGS for 50% OFF any PLR and MRR Products in our Catalog|PLRMegaMart.com 50% Super SALE Ends(11/20) (Open Now!)
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