Forex Sales Letter Review

Be careful using negative copy. It easily rubs off on the product being pitched.

Say: "after one year of testing, I've realized that 95% of Forex products on the internet are complete scams."

...and a lot of people will think: "This is a scam"...

Steve

First of all you're in a competitive niche, you really need this to be high caliber to work...

I'll start with your video, the proof kind of sucks. It could be easily manufactured. It could easily be a fake money account that you played around with until you got lucky. You could easily create those graphs yourself.

If you want to prove it, do a live webinar, explain why you're making the buy, why you're selling when you sell, and let people see it live...

Then you can use that as proof and mention it was recorded live in front of x amount of people, and that would add some credibility to it.

Right now I think the proof may hurt more than help.

Okay, so statements like this...

I don't know a lot about trading forex. But I have my "guru's" in my industry who I'll spend hundreds or even thousands of dollars a year with because they deliver solid advice.

I'd guess that forex is the same. I'm going to guess that the guys who are good at it learned from someone, and that "someone" delivered valuable advice to them... So jumping out and saying that everyone else is hiding "something" from them screams B.S.

On the topic of B.S...

I'm a stranger on your website. You care about me? That's B.S. You don't. And people know you don't. When you give off even a little bit of a B.S. vibe you're killing credibility, so don't do it.

Don't tell strangers you care about them, they aren't stupid and it gives them a great reason to not believe a word you say.

Why are you different?

Again, you're assuming the customer is an idiot. I don't know this market well, but I would guess that there are people out there who are good at it and want to get better...

There's a lot of hype.

There's a lot of big promises that aren't being backed up... There are a lot of unnecessary superlatives.

The English has some grammar mistakes.

Why are you crossing out $5,000 and pricing at $97? It's unbelievable and you give no reason.

You're going to "sell out" of a digital product?

You're giving people a lot of reasons to not believe anything you say. And credibility is all you've got, without it you're chances of making a sale are zero.

Another example...

Oh really? Because later on your sales letter it says...

I'd call that earlier sentence "80%-90% win rate" a representation.

You're in a very tough niche. Your USP is that all forex products are scams while you're selling a forex product.

You make unbelievable claims, offer weak proof and give people plenty of reasons for people not to believe what you're saying.

Combine that with no real USP, not really building curiosity or desire and you'll probably need to go back to the drawing board.

No offense. You're in a tough market, it's not an easy one to write for.

Good luck,

-Scott

G'day Samuel,

There are a few things that I suggest you change and stood out to me;

Above your video you head 'LIVE PROOF' but in the video you do not prove that it is in fact live, or you infact made any trades. To someone who doesn't trade like myself but who is interested in perhaps getting into the business I think the video looks fake, and the images look simulated. If I am thinking this and I know nothing about it, imagine what people who already trade are thinking?

You picture needs to be changes asap. Surely you can get one where it is just you in the picture, not with half your girlfriends head in the way. You are telling people that you are a highly successful 17 year old. So dress that way, hire a suit and a sports car for the day and then take some photos and even video. Back up your claims so people at least trust your word.

Your earnings images don't make a lot of sense because you don't explain them. It just looks like a bunch of numbers and a total at the end. It is really serving no purpose there like that.

Book image is too large. Takes up the entire page when screen resolution is set to 1024x768. A book image isn't giving the reader a benefit so make it smaller and concentrate more on the copy around it.

You need to build more of an emotional connection between you and the reader before you try and tell them what is best for them. Most often the people reading your page are highly intelligent and are used to being the person ordering people around. Be careful when you try and do that on your page, it could give the wrong impression.

No testimonials what so ever. No matter what, people will trust other people's opinion over you own copy, becuase at the end of the day you're getting something from them purchasing your book, an honest reviewer isn't.

I think your price is too high for the copy you have presented. Go onto clickback and look at products similar to yours that have a high gravity. Most of those are at least $20 cheaper than yours and are written by vendors with an already established name in the field. You are a beginner and should concentrate on volume rather than profit on your first product in this sector.

Hope that helps.

Actually I'd say the emotional, I care about you, stuff works very well...but you have to back it up and prove why you give a damn. I care because I was screwed just like you for a long time, for example..and then back it up. It worked very well wtih Forex Twister.

http://www.thelaunchcode.com/images/twister.gif

@ Brandon - Stop showing off. :-p That image is spoiling my eyes. I'm reporting you to 911.

Hi Samuel,

Good effort. Strategically speaking, I think there is a major challenge with the overall premise of your copy.

ANYBODY can show a good day or a good week in the market you are in. Anybody can do what you did, one time.

An experienced trader already in the market knows that, and their mental "filters" are already sensitive to copy like that.

So the question is: Who is your market? New people or savvy, experienced people?

Either way, unfortunately I think you might have a re-write on your hands.

Best of success,

- Rick Duris

Your headline's font+color combination is one of the ugliest I have seen in my life.
Here is one for you: DecisionBar.com (not an affiliate link, not my site either). It is much better.
(If you are planning to change the font & color as part of your design, please disregard this)

About the copy, from the perspective of a customer: When you start with "believe me when I say that", do you really think that I will believe you?
Talk about me first - about my problems while I did forex trading. And a solution to my forex trading problems. I want to hear that.

I know this is not probably what you wanted. If I offended you, sorry in advance.

I was sick yesterday so I did not offer up much to say to you Samuel.
Ive done over $6million in product launches this year in the Forex Niche, so I think it's one that I know a bit of something about. I just did Twister for myself and another big box ($997 product) one that brought in over $1million for my client.

First of all I would tell you that to a large degree Forex is a bit of a good old boys club, at least as much as IM. There are a few "cliques" and you should try to get yourself in with one. If you don't, it's really very hard to get sales. Make sure you have good partners, the sales I did off the link I showed here on Twister was done with basically 11 partners.

Also - I know this won't be popular on the Copywriters board, but I've found that the email copy you use and your prelaunch content are at least as important as the sales page. Make sure that stuff is very good. You can go read the copy on Forex Twister and see that it's not all that great, C level copy. It still did mid six figures in sales over the Thanksgiving holiday, and made a profit of about $70K.

Put together a good affiliate section on your site. Give them all the tools they need to promote your product.

Your product looks to be an ebook. At the $97 price point people don't buy ebooks in the Forex market, so your totally off. The $97 price point is low end stuff, BOTS, systems etc. You can make a ton of money on them, but the $97 people are dreamers and they don't invest in education, that's just the way it is. If you want to actually teach, you need to put something very high end together $700+ and get the top partners on board and go for the gold.

Good luck.
B

I'd actually agree this is true with most products.

I agree with about everything you said too, from the pricing of the e-book to the "good ol' boys club".

And by the way Samuel, don't take my advice up top personally man, it's meant to help you, not offend.

It's tricky. It's VERY tricky on an e-book.

As a copywriter I have to prove I really care about a client before they hire me. I never come out and say "I really care about you and your project", there are more subtle ways to show and prove it than coming out and saying it.

The reason it's tricky is because you generally don't care. I don't care about most people who read my sales copy until after they become a customer, and everyone else is the same way.

Do you care about me? I'm not saying you want me dead or if you saw me panhandling you wouldn't give me a dollar or something, but you don't know me, therefore you really don't care about me.

You don't go to bed at not thinking "gee, I hope Scott's okay"... No one, beyond my close friends and family would ever do that.

The emotional stuff does work. The "I care about you stuff" can work, but it's tricky and you have to know how to use to avoid the B.S. alarms.

-Scott