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Your honest opinion/suggestion for my Sales Page

by sodevrom
7 replies
Hello,
I just finished my new Sales Page for a product I am selling. I am not a professional copywriter but I did my best to write a Sales Page.

I want to hear what you think about it, what you think is good/not good, if you have any suggestions/comments.

Any help is well appreciated. The link is :
"Start An Online Business" No #1 Software Suite

Thank you for your help,
Vlad
#honest #opinion or suggestion #page #sales
  • Profile picture of the author Ross Bowring
    Vlad,

    Good effort on the site.

    The biggest problem throughout the page is the English needs work throughout. You need someone who's really good at English to go over the entire letter.
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  • Profile picture of the author The Copy Nazi
    Banned
    You start with (in bad English)
    Watch Now An Unbelievable Video!


    and then you serve up a crappy slide show? Lost me right there. But wait! ...it gets worse. Then you pull this rabbit out of the hat -

    Everything is 100% REAL ...
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    • Profile picture of the author adamjthompson
      Vlad,

      Your design and page layout are OK.

      Your sales copy needs to be redone, IMHO. It would appear that English is not your native language and that you don't quite have full mastery of the language and good grammar - that's going to make it alot harder for you to write good copy.

      Some suggestions:
      Hire a copywriter to rewrite the sales copy, or hire a ghostwriter to help you improve your writing
      Read some of these books: http://www.warriorforum.com/copywrit...ooks-ever.html

      Hope this helps! Don't get discouraged or give up!
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  • Profile picture of the author kevinemarketing
    No real issues with the overall look of the page, however you need to hire a copywriter to improve the message. If you're going to be spending money promoting it, don't be afraid to drop some coin on a quality writer.
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  • Profile picture of the author Mr.Cash
    The headline doesn't sound right. Something like this would work better

    Witness The Powerful One Of A Kind Software
    That Will Kick Start Your Online Business And
    Drive It On Complete Autopilot!

    Watch This Incredible Video Now!

    I havn't looked beyond your headline yet (not even the video) but the one above should give you an idea of where you should be going

    Good luck with it!
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  • Profile picture of the author sodevrom
    Thank you all very much for the advice.
    English is not my native language and it seems I will have to hire a person to help me write it better.

    Thanks,
    Vlad
    Signature
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  • Profile picture of the author FiFi70
    Indeed. Although it is not to do with the content as such, using capital letters for every word in a title is not grammatically correct. There are a lot of sites, some of which I can personally recommend as I have found copywriting work through them, where you can find a native English copywriter to fully go over the website for you.
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