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Kindly Critique This Sales Pitch

by BBAkwe
4 replies
Hello Guys
Kindly help me with some ideas here.
This is one of my ads running here but not been doing so well. The service is very reliable with 100% success rate but I expected it to convert better. I will relist it again today, but I do need some objective critique and guidance before doing so. What should I add, remove or change?
Thanks.
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Websites That:

Contain any popup ads.

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#critique #kindly #pitch #sales
  • Profile picture of the author Alex Cohen
    Most marketers are looking for targeted traffic. Since your traffic is not targeted, you'll need an otherwise compelling benefit to make sales.

    If you have a compelling benefit, it should be explained fully in the copy.

    Alex
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  • Profile picture of the author erinwrites
    I'm sorry but I stopped reading after the first 100% Guaranteed. I know you want to sound enthusiastic about your product but the blatant hypeyness of it was a major turn off for me, especially so soon in the sales pitch.

    Scrolling over the top of it it looks like you went into lots of lists with very little explanation or "fleshing out."
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    I put words on the Internet.
    Silly Haikus starting at $5! PM me for details! (Because it's fun)
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    • Profile picture of the author RickDuris
      Hi BBAkwe,

      This is about as kindly as I can put it:

      1. Your ad lacks integrity. It's obvious. It reeks of scam.

      I am NOT saying you or your service lack integrity or fails to deliver. But for instance "IMAGINE: 500 TO 12,500 Real People Visiting your Website EVERYDAY, EVERY WEEK." kinda says it all. It's vague, ambiguous, lacks specificity especially because of the packaging details below the statement. People don't know what they are getting.

      2. You sound like everybody else selling the same thing.

      3. You must explain WHY a person would want untargeted traffic from expired domains.

      And they have to be legitimate reasons. That's going to take some work.

      You see, you also pull a no no--you reveal that website flippers can use this traffic to artificially inflate Alexa rankings. Oh my goodness. That means you're complicit in deceiving future website buyers--and in fact, you're encouraging it.

      What does that implicitly say about you?

      Again, you asked for a critique and you got it. I know it's not what you want to hear. But if I am wrong, I'll withdraw every word I said and apologize.

      And again, I am not criticizing you or your service, I am criticizing the ad. You've cobbled it together from other promotions you've seen, thinking it's going to work.

      That's why, assuming your service is legitimate, it's going to take some effort to overcome. That industry has a bad reputation that precedes you. And for the more savvy folks on the Warrior Forum, that's double hard.

      - Rick Duris

      PS: Again, I don't know you. I'm just trying to help you. You're in a business with a bad reputation. People have been burned--badly. You have to overcome that. You have to differentiate yourself, but right now you sound like everybody else.

      My best advice?

      There's easier ways to make money.
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  • Profile picture of the author BBAkwe
    Thanks guys for the perspectives you brought into my sales pitch. Perhaps I'll ask a copywriter to re write the sales pitch, in order to compare and contrast both presentations. I'd really like to write better copy.
    I don't feel hurt at all by the views advanced because I asked for unbiased critique.
    I'll take the points raised and try again.
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