ok ive made some changes...

by devan

Posted: 17 years ago 6 replies

COPY WRITING

i posted my website a few days ago and i received alot of help full advice ...so thank you too all who help

is this better? Learn To Massage DVD Box Set | Indian Head Massage | Full Body Massage | Luxury Facial Massage

want to bump up my conversions...thanks

#made

CharlieBabbage 17 years ago

I did not see your original but I think that the page is far too long before you get down to the section where you actually place your order.

Also by just quoting the price in sterling and mentioning Royal Mail delivery makes it seem as if you are limiting yourself to sales in the UK. If that is what you want OK but have you thought of trying to sell to the US (in particular) as well?
- Thanks
- 1 reply
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- J. Barry Mandel 17 years ago
  
  I'm not sure if you want to use the word "Danger"ously in your headline.
  
  Might kinda give people the wrong idea...
  
  Thanks
  
  1 reply
  
  Signature
  >>> WWW.MEDIAPUBLICITYGENERATOR.COM
  
  ATTENTION AFFILIATES: Earn Earn Commissions On Monthly Subscriptions Up To $597 Per Month PLUS Tiered Commissions On Overrides & 4-Figure Affiliate Bonuses!!
  
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  devan 17 years ago
  
  made a few more changes cheers!
  
  Thanks
  
  1 reply
  
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  Dennis Cheesman 17 years ago
  
  I'm not to sure about this in the headline:
  
  Use at Your Own Risk
  
  Makes me think it could be harmful in some way..
  
  Dennis
  
  Thanks
  
  1 reply
  
  Signature
  https://www.bravereboot.com/
  
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  ndcole78 17 years ago
  
  You need to change your headline---There's no such thing as a perfect sales letter, because you can always improve upon it, but to be honest, your letter needs to be rewritten.
  
  Thanks
  
  1 reply
  
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  devan 17 years ago
  
  what do you think about this title?
  
  “In Just 3 Hours You Will Be Taught The Most Sought After Indian Head Massage Techniques That Will Result in Unheard of Relaxation & Comfort"
  
  Thanks
  
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ok ive made some changes...

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