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Can someone look at my salesletter please?

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denshe
denshe
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denshe
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Hi Warriors

Can someone help me please, I am new to WSO and have drafted a saleletter, but don't know what mistakes I have made

Please take a look and see if you can push me in the right direction

I have done a test at

http://www.warriorforum.com/test-for...ml#post5655424

Kind regard, Den
#salesletter
  • Profile picture of the author Mark Andrews
    Mark Andrews
    Mark Andrews
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    Banned
    • Profile picture of the author denshe
      denshe
      denshe
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      That bad eh lol Your reply wasn't really much help though I thought everyone on here was helpful, it seems not Can you give me some sort of helpful criticism ? Regards, Den
      • Profile picture of the author Mark Andrews
        Mark Andrews
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        The sheer number of critique requests is getting ridiculous

        Originally Posted by RickDuris View Post

        Replying to a request for a critique on copy that's half baked does no one any favors. It's a waste of time, creativity and opportunity for learning.

        Overeager copywriters and copywriters new to the forum are encouraging the submission of these type of "slapped together" pieces when they reply to them. Requests like these would be reduced naturally if copywriters stopped replying to them.

        Personally, critique requests that show sincere effort warrant my help, no matter where they're organized. The rest do not, no matter where they're organized.

        We ALL know what sincere effort looks like.

        To save copywriters a ton of collective time, all that needs to happen is for the first copywriter reviewing a piece to reply "Waste of time to critique."

        That'll send a message.

        - Rick Duris
        Do you want me to spell it out for you Den?

        Your 'copy' isn't worth other copywriters here wasting their time upon. It's that bad.

        What do you want me to do - tickle your ears and tell you it's brilliant ad copy?

        Ain't gonna happen. We're all fed up to the back teeth of these constant critique requests by so-called marketers who obviously haven't put any effort whatsoever into their sales copy.

        In a nutshell, yours is bloody terrible. Go back to the drawing board and start again. And don't waste our time until you have something much better. No point beating around the bush flogging a dead horse.


        Mark Andrews
        • Profile picture of the author denshe
          denshe
          denshe
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          Hi Mark

          Now that is what I call fantastic review

          I will do just that, I will work hard on it and see if I can come up to scratch

          Thanks for this constructive criticism. I still liked the balloon though, brilliant!

          Den
      • Profile picture of the author Detangled
        Detangled
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        Originally Posted by denshe View Post

        That bad eh lol Your reply wasn't really much help though I thought everyone on here was helpful, it seems not Can you give me some sort of helpful criticism ? Regards, Den
        Read "The Ultimate Sales Letter" & Ca$hvertising. People here just get sick of all the critique requests. I made the same mistake by jumping in without reading the other posts. Lol It happens.
        • Profile picture of the author denshe
          denshe
          denshe
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          Hi Detangled

          Mark has given me some more great advice and I would like to thank him personally on here for his help

          So even though like you I jumped in, I am now pleased I did, not only that, we have now met and you have helped as well

          Please keep in touch, have you got on better since your misdemeanor

          Den
  • Profile picture of the author Detangled
    Detangled
    Detangled
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    Amazon.com: The Ultimate Sales Letter: Attract...Amazon.com: The Ultimate Sales Letter: Attract...
    Amazon.com: CA: How to Use More than 100 Secrets...Amazon.com: CA: How to Use More than 100 Secrets...
    I just started reading these. Apparently these two books will change your life. lol. So far so good.

    Hope this helps..

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