Sales copy critique/review

Sure.

It reads like a poor imitation of corporate-speak, the kind of writing you'd expect to find on a multi-national or government site.

Try reading it out loud and you'll soon see what I mean.

For example, have you ever heard anyone, in the real world, say "expertly methodological"?

That sort of phrasing's going to trip up your reader, especially considering your target market.

In fact, even the first few words, the relatively simple " The leader of English teaching" are poor and need re-writing. And from a copy perspective if you're going to make a huge claim like that, you need to prove it.

At the least, you want to get one of your teachers to go through your site fix the errors and make it more informal and conversational.

The selling attempts are clumsy because they stand out and act as a speed-bump to the reader. They're not part of the flow of the sales page, it seems like they've been shoved in as an afterthought.

And it's made worse by the use of short copy because every line counts. In an eight page pitch you can get away with a couple of lines that are less than perfect, but when you've only got just over eight paragraphs you haven't got that luxury.

So overly forceful, jarring lines like "The First Certificate course that you are about to buy has detailed statistics on your progress throughout the course." stand out like a sore thumb and come across as manipulative.

Hope that helps.