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Mark Andrews

It's not that bad.

A few quick thoughts -

People are likely to be asking "who are you?" and "why should I listen to you?"

So tell them.

On the pre- head. You should give the report a stunningly good title.

Even leave the "day" number out - people want fast so don't put them off.

(if your initial email is brilliant - bursting with the information and techniques they want to hear - then they'll be willing to wait for the next 6).


The headline is OK - but change the word "respond" to something a little more "racy"

The subhead is weak - we all make decisions based on emotions.

Try and describe the specific "raunchy" emotions women feel when they read the RIGHT profile.


You need more power verbs in the body copy to spice everything up. The flow jars a bit.

And is the "competitive edge" what your audience is looking for? If your research brought this up then OK, it's good to be in the top 10% but...

A wild guess suggests what they really want is - red hot women craving and ready for passion, almost beside themselves with desire...

There's no need to state 90% twice.

And can you increase the 90% to an odd number it'll get more attention because it's more specific - if you can use 93%. And you'll increase the "edge."


The bullets need a lot of work. Expand on them with a (second and on some a third) even bigger benefit.

The last bullet just needs to say - Plus Lots More...

Or - Plus Lots More...(including - and mention another sizzling benefit)


Providing your Opt in box is above the fold your page can be longer.

It doesn't have to fit onto a computer screen - people will scroll if they feel it's worth it.

So, you can use more space to make the copy much more compelling and skyrocket the opt in rate.


Steve