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Letter critique

by Rjoneslaw
3 replies
I found this site by accident one day. I'm a lawyer defending the masses against the tyranny of the government. (Sounds a lot better than criminal defense lawyer.)

This is my letter for family violence:








1302 West Avenue, Austin, Texas 78701
CELL: 512-632-2433
Austin Criminal Defense Attorney | The Law Office of Richard T. Jones
richardtjonesatty@gmail.com

If you plead guilty to a family violence case or receive deferred adjudication, you could be looking over your shoulder for the rest of your life. Every time you argue with someone you live with and the cops get called you will have to worry that you could get arrested for a felony. That's why I fight to get every family violence case DISMISSED. I fight to keep you safe in your own home. Everyone's case is different but I've represented HUNDREDS of persons charged with family violence over the years and gotten most of them DISMISSED.

I am a criminal defense lawyer with over 20 years of experience and I want to help you. I offer affordable rates and flexible payment plans. Because your time is valuable, I will minimize the amount of time you have to spend at court. I will fight to protect your freedom and your good name. You need someone on your side. You need someone to listen to your story and then speak for you. I have been practicing criminal law for over 20 years in Travis, Williamson and Hays counties and I can help you tell your story. Isn't that what you really want? Someone on your side? Call me, e-mail me, or text me and we'll see how I can help you. Don't plead until after you've talked with me. I want to work with and for you at an affordable price to suit your needs.

JAIL RELEASE services are available when a defendant is incarcerated.


Sincerely yours.


Richard T. Jones

CALL OR TEXT ME NOW AT 512-632-2433





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I obtained your name from a list of individuals recently charged in
Travis, Williamson or Hays County with an offense.

I have to include the bottom disclaimer. I'm not getting any real traction. There are a lot of other letters out there. I've seen a lot of good advice on the site and would appreciate any help.
#critique #letter
  • Profile picture of the author Tim R
    I'm sure you wouldn't suggest that someone without legal training represent themselves in court, right?

    Clearly direct response isn't your area of expertise, so why not just hire a pro? If you've been a lawyer for 20 years I'm sure you can afford it.
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  • Profile picture of the author KB The Copywriter
    You could start by changing your "I" points Into "you" points.

    For example, Instead of saying..

    "I am a criminal defense lawyer with over 20 years of experience and I want to help you."

    You could say..

    "You'll have my 20+ years of experience and expertise as a criminal defense lawyer at your disposal."

    Actually, you could word It even more clearly. But this should give you an Idea.

    In-fact, I'd recommend you start over and maybe pick a theme or an angle for your letter this time around. The copy Is very noisy and doesn't really have flow.

    You have a LOT of work to do.

    Good Luck,

    KB
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  • Profile picture of the author DougHughes
    Hi Richard,

    I think the letter is salvageable.

    Just a couple points clarity, specificity. I believe this sentence would be more powerful:

    Everyone's case is different but I've represented HUNDREDS of persons charged with family violence over the years and gotten most of them DISMISSED.

    If you added more specificity such as:

    In 20 years representing more than 1800 persons charged with family violence my success rate stands at 87%.

    Or something along those lines.

    Prospects don't know you so it's important to establish your credibility and authority early on. One way to do this is overwhelm with proof.

    Just like when the DA prosecutes a case. He doesn't go in with one or two pieces of shaky evidence right? He goes in with authority and what he likely believes is overwhelming evidence for a conviction.

    So I guess the big selling point is prove to me that you are credible representation to keep me out of jail, out of a felony, or get my case dismissed.

    I think you're on the right track and with a few adjustments you can incrementally increase your response.

    Best,
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