Help, Advice, or Black Magic for a Newbie

Hi there Warriors!

My name is Will. I'm a Ph.D. student living in London, a semi successful percussionist, and a four time failed internet marketer. I'm coming up on the end of my studies and thus the end of student loans and grants. I make money sometimes from my performances, but it comes in waves - severe waves. I'm literally starving and almost three months behind on rent, struggling not to get my internet turned off.

What I'm looking for is a side business which I can operate from home that will allow me to pay my bills, at least in part, that I can nurse from nothing to something and leave for short periods of time if I need to do so. Pretty typical goals, I suspect, although perhaps my problem is that I've always been shooting low, not going for super high incomes.

What don't have is a good plan, a direction, and capital.

What I do have is time, energy, and the internet. I've tried making pages, writing articles, twitter marketing, offline marketing, picking niches that interest me and some that don't. Sadly, entertainment niches usually are not very lucrative, but that may not be the worst thing in the World, if any money at all was to be made. Thus far, I have made about $22USD per six months off of one niche I marketed through articles about three years ago. All of my other ventures since then have failed even worse. Regardless, I also have incentive and drive. I'm not one to give up, but I am one to switch plans when the first tries don't work.

For what I am asking:

Advice and mentorship. Chances to test out methods or solid focused directions in which to travel, so to speak, such that I don't get bogged down in reading a thousand ebooks and never make any money. Something that is not a get rich quick scheme (unless there is one, but I doubt that exists), but shows profits within a short-ish period of time so I don't get discouraged. Help to help myself not have to each a loaf of 47p bread over three days because I can't afford anything else.

Barring that, black magic is acceptable...

I'm not asking to have someone do the work for me, but I obviously need serious instruction. If I didn't, I would be making at least some money by no, having tried to do this for years now. I have specific goals in mind, including income per week, month, and year, the number of hours I expect to work initially and once the business/marketing is set up, and the potential "rinse and repeat" approach that may instigate another similar sized in flow of funds to layer over the previous one(s).

Any thoughts, warriors? Sorry to bother you all with this, but you're obviously doing things correctly and I'm floundering and I know when it's time to swallow my pride and ask for assistant. That time is now.

Any advice you can give or offers to test out methods would be GREATLY appreciated!!!!

Thanks in advance and good luck to you all!
Will

P.S. If I have misunderstood where this discussion should go and I have posted in an incorrect thread, please let me know and I will move it to the correct one. Thanks!