The Newbie Marketers Guide to Getting Sued

There's one thing that's lacking in a lot of Internet marketing guides, and that's how to get sued. Now, I know, people don't generally like to get sued, but people getting sued helps lawyers earn their keep and, with the economy a bit down, Internet marketers have all the money and you know lawyers know where the money is.

So, if you want to help keep your own lawyer gainfully employed, I've put together this short little guide to getting sued. Mind you, I'm not a lawyer and I'm sure one will be along shortly to tell me where I'm wrong. But, in the meantime, while I cannot guarantee that any of these methods will result in you getting sued, I bet they will surely increase your chances.


Selecting a Domain Name

Try to select a domain name that incorporates a trademark. Go for exact match domains where you can combine several trademarks into one name. Product names as well as company names can be trademarked so if you combine several into one domain name, you'll likely increase your chances of getting sued.

Sure, you might only get a cease & desist order at first but if they suspect you've been making big bucks off of their trademark, well, they just might do a little more than your basic cease & desist. Your lawyer will be ecstatic, as it will keep him busy, except, of course, if he knows you probably won't be able to pay him his bill by the time all is said and done.

Finding Content

Need content? Just go to Google. Search on your keywords, find an interesting article, copy it and paste it into your WordPress text window, then hit "Publish!" How much easier could it be? If you grab articles off of major sites, you'll increase your odds of getting sued.

Need images? Go to Google Images. Grab all the ones you like and post them on your website. If you're really smart, you'll grab ones that belong to Getty Images. This will almost guarantee you'll get sued.

Videos? Go to YouTube. Download a nice video, import it into your video editing software, emblazen your logo and URL on it and upload to YouTube under your own account. Then, sit back and wait for the legal papers to arrive on your doorstep.

If you can manage to steal some content that has a registered copyright on it, you've hit the jackpot. Statutory damages for copyright infringement is like $50,000 or something, plus you get to pay the copyright holder's attorney fees and all that good stuff. Plus, I think that if you made money off of it, you get to pay all that to them too. Awesome, right?

Promoting Your Content

Now, you need to tell people how awesome your product is. Start off by hiring people to do video testimonials for your product. Can't afford that? Just make people up, grab some portraits from Google Images to give your fake reviewers a photo and write glowing reviews. Don't forget to use some well-known celebrities to endorse your product. You'll hit the motherlode! You'll violate right of publicity and copyrights, along with FTC regulations and other assorted stuff, all in one fell swoop!

Don't forget to make wild income claims too! Oh, have a celebrity declare the bulk of their income comes not from movie deals but by selling your MLM widget thingamabob to all their friends and that they make oodles of money from their downline. Permission? Truth? Bleh. You don't want either, not if you want to get sued.

Oh, you could go really wild and promise that not only will your four page eBook earn them $10,000,000 a month while they watch TV in their pajamas but it also cures cancer and the common cold and brings world peace. Do it just right and not only will you get sued, but you might possibly go to jail too. That's some bonus #winning right there!

Start a mailing list too. But, completely ignore the CAN-SPAM laws and don't put any contact information in your eMails--don't include the sender address or anything like that. Geez. People don't need to know that stuff. Don't include an unsubscribe link either.

Oh, wait! Be smart about it. Include an unsubscribe link but use a script so that they get added to an additional list when they unsubscribe. Then, delete them from the original list but keep them on the new one. You see, technically, they only unsubscribed from the original list. The other one is separate. If they want off that one, they need to unsubscribe from it. Of course, when they unsubscribe from that one, they get added to yet another one. And so on.

It will be impossible for them to get away from receiving your mailings! You just keep moving them to lists they haven't unsubscribed from. Brilliant! Oh, and you'll probably violate CAN-SPAM and some various state laws in the process, which means you might get sued by your own state as well as disgruntled subscribers. Again, #winning!

Take the Money and Run

Best of all, since you made this money online, it's tax-free, right? No need to file taxes or declare your income or anything. Just pocket the money. Uncle Sam doesn't need to know. And ignore the letters you receive from the IRS. If they send something registered mail, refuse it. Better yet, sign for it and just toss it. Who cares, right? Tax liens and penalties and stuff might be more fun than a lawsuit anyway. You'll never know what lock your keys will be unable to open next! It'll be like a game of chance. Will they garnish your McDonald's wages, seize your car or lock up your house today? Maybe all three. Roll the dice and take your chances!


Mind you, there are many more ways you can end up sued, fined or serving jail time, but, this being a newbie's guide, I've only covered the basics. So, read up on 'em and get to work!

Of course, if you'd prefer not to get sued, you could avoid doing the stuff described above, but then your lawyer could go broke. Are you really that heartless, especially in this economy?