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Please critique my exquisite squeeze page!

by Sebastian Alexander
16 replies
Not so exquisite, actuallly, but how often do you get to say "exquisite squeeze" nowadays? I have two variations so far. Please feel free to be as nitpicky as you like.





The purpose of this page is to start gathering leads and build a list. I have written my own two-page report to give away and I'm still deciding on the sales funnel and which affiliate product I should send them to. Which brings me to a few questions:

Should I not use any affiliate links at all, since this builds trust and makes my list more responsive down the line?

Is the headline okay? Font, size, color (bright or dark red)?

Something about both of these pages just seems lacking to me, as if they're both just floating in a sea of white space. I think the one with the ebook cover is better, the dark colour of the ebook breaks up the monotony of white and makes it "warmer".

I am agonizing over every single devilish detail, so feel free to rip it apart. I lay myself at the benevolent mercy of you battle-weathered warriors!

PS. How could I forget. Is the headline strong enough? Or should I use some numbers to make it more dynamic, i.e. "FREE Report Reveals How To Go Start Bringing X Visitors A Day To Your Site X Days From Now!"
#advice #critique #exquisite #page #squeeze
  • Profile picture of the author magicsubmittertutorials
    I had to read the page 3 times to work out exactly what was happening.

    Maybe i'm just thick???

    I read the title but it didnt quite deliver first 2 times.

    I think it may just be that im tired.
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  • Profile picture of the author Sebastian Alexander
    Hm... Thanks a lot for that feedback. It's probably that my headline is simply not grabbing enough, or maybe not streamlined enough. I should try to remove the second "to" and make it grammatically simpler. I'll think about it, thank you!

    EDIT: Some new headlines:

    How To Get Instant Traffic To Your Site Even If You're Broke!

    3 Secret Sources That Bring INSTANT Traffic To Your Site!

    3 FREE Traffic Sources The Internet Gurus Don't Want You To Know!

    Suggestions?
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    • Profile picture of the author JohnMcCabe
      None of it blows me away, to tell the truth. But then again, I'm probably not your target demographic. My feeling is that you are targeting newbies, correct?

      One thing I can tell you, though, is that the cover graphic looks like a full-blown report. If I did opt in from that and got two skimpy pages designed purely to get me to an affiliate link, I'd be gone and you'd never have a chance at me again.

      I think you have some more thinking to do before you start worrying about squeeze page design. Figure out where you want to send them and how you want to market to them after they subscribe. Right now, it seems like you want to give the bare minimum in order to redirect them to an as-yet undecided sales page, then hope for the best.

      Once you have your ducks in a row, then test different headlines and page designs. In your place, I'd start with the first design and test headlines before worrying about cover graphics or colors.
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  • Profile picture of the author Ros G
    I actually quite like the first example because of the bright red but think it would be good to include a graphic of a report as in the second. However, I agree with John McCabe that the image portrays a full-blown report so could you find something which looks quality but thinner? As it is just two pages, maybe use your second headline suggestion "3 Secret Sources That Bring........." so the reader already will not expect a 10-page blurb. It's free and that's always well-received as long as it's got some value and the sales page isn't misleading.
    Good luck!
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  • Profile picture of the author Sebastian Alexander
    Wow, John.. you hit it right on the head. I'll remove the unintentionally misleading graphic and focus more on the sales funnel.

    Ros, I haven't found a thinner-looking graphic yet, so I have temporarily removed it and also changed the headline, which I think is better now.



    I am unclear about the sales funnel as there seem to be many options and no rules. Most squeeze pages for which i've opted in send me to a confirmation reminder right after I give in my email. However, one other squeeze page redirected me immediately to an affiliate's long sales letter, while sending me their freebie without reminding me to confirm.

    Ah, well. Must keep studying and learning.

    Thanks to both of you! Any other criticism is always welcome.
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    • Profile picture of the author Lena
      Hi Sebastian,

      I personally like the first one - short & simple.
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  • Profile picture of the author iaeo
    You need more copy. A LOT more copy. I know it seems like people don't read it, you probably never do, and I'll be honest: most people won't read it. However, they need to see it. It needs to be there, just so that it doesn't look like you didn't throw it together in 5 minutes.
    Also, you need lots of copy for the chance to have multiple headlines, each of which will have a much greater impact than if you just listed them one by one in a bullet point list.

    That said, the image you use in v2 is good. Checkmark bullet points are good. Maybe drop the grey circles.
    A video would be awesome. So would a face- video would be better though. Even though you're not selling anything, you're still trying to get something from them: their email address. This means you need some kind of credibility, and faces/videos help a lot.
    Finally, a second CTA. Always.

    So the takeaway is this: sit down for an hour or two and whip up some copy, make the points you have right now your headlines, highlight them, and get a few more pictures up there, a video with a human promoting the product if possible (there are some good Fiverr gigs for it).
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    • Profile picture of the author iRunThis
      Originally Posted by iaeo View Post

      You need more copy. A LOT more copy.
      ^ I disagree. In my experience the best performing squeeze pages are generally those with the least amount of distractions (words). All they need to know is what they are getting in exchange for their email. You're not selling them anything.

      Sebastian, I got your emails this morning but I was really busy and never got back to responding. Sorry about that.

      Your first one looks nice. I would change the headline to something that pops more though. I had to also read it a few times to understand what was going on. Maybe throw in an example number?

      "I'll Show You Exactly How You Can Manipulate 3 FREE Traffic Sources To Drive Hundreds of Visitors to Your Website - EVERY DAY!"

      Something that stands out a little more and is more persuasive. I'm not sure if that's what the guy above me meant by more copy? I doubt it though. Maybe he thinks you're trying to sell something and didn't bother to read the thread.

      Also, I don't think you need to add "Simply tell us where to send your copy" something like "Get your FREE Traffic Report NOW!" or something like that would probably do better. When the opt-in box is there, people will automatically assume that they have to enter their email in order to receive it.

      Hope this helped,
      JaVaun T
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  • Profile picture of the author FIERCE IM
    hello,

    for me I like the second version much more, it goes straight to the point. for the affiliate link, do uou intend to collect emails and send an email with affiliate link. I f yes you should alternate with free news letter and affiliate link later.
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    • Profile picture of the author smallbusinesstoolkit
      I would use rather video squeeze page - use the screencast video , which you can also put on youtube -will be indexed faster , get more views and rank higher.
      Important thing - give video first and if people like it they will subscribe to the list.
      I read somewhere that google will penalize squeeze pages which force user to join list to watch full video.
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    • Profile picture of the author RPaige
      I personally like the bright red color on the first one, but i prefer the design of the second with the picture of the report. With that being said, I also think it is misleading to show a book of that size and then only provide two pages in your report. Maybe you will be able to find a picture that better represents what you are actually sending them to. Good job, though. Making Squeeze pages is a bit of an art.
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  • Profile picture of the author Sebastian Alexander
    JaVaun, no worries! And geez, that was a damn good headline... Made me a bit jealous. BTW are you on Skype? Add me, man.

    iaeo, thank you for the advice. I understand what you're saying. It's not a sales letter, though. Only a squeeze page.

    Yes, I was thinking about the video as well and I might do that. I think a human mug will make it more compelling. I'm a bit nervous 'cause, if I spend cash to drive traffic to it and it doesn't convert, I'll have thrown away money. Too bad there's no free way to test it.

    By the way, the site is now live here: www.insidertrafficsecret.com

    I keep thinking of what John said above and I'm not satisfied with my approach to the prospects and the funnel. I don't know when I should put an affiliate link in front of them, what I should say in the follow-up emails, or how to build a relationship with them. And I'm concerned my freebie isn't good enough. I'd like them to see me as someone trying to help them, not lead them around by the nose so I can dangle affiliate links on front of them.

    Oh, well. I'm new at this. I'll learn. Thanks again. /rant off/

    Thanks again, everyone!
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    • Profile picture of the author iRunThis
      Originally Posted by Sebastian Alexander View Post

      JaVaun, no worries! And geez, that was a damn good headline... Made me a bit jealous. BTW are you on Skype? Add me, man.

      iaeo, thank you for the advice. I understand what you're saying. It's not a sales letter, though. Only a squeeze page.

      Yes, I was thinking about the video as well and I might do that. I think a human mug will make it more compelling. I'm a bit nervous 'cause, if I spend cash to drive traffic to it and it doesn't convert, I'll have thrown away money. Too bad there's no free way to test it.

      By the way, the site is now live here: www.insidertrafficsecret.com

      I keep thinking of what John said above and I'm not satisfied with my approach to the prospects and the funnel. I don't know when I should put an affiliate link in front of them, what I should say in the follow-up emails, or how to build a relationship with them. And I'm concerned my freebie isn't good enough. I'd like them to see me as someone trying to help them, not lead them around by the nose so I can dangle affiliate links on front of them.

      Oh, well. I'm new at this. I'll learn. Thanks again. /rant off/
      Sebastian, I'll send you an email sometime tonight or early tomorrow with all of the information you need about follow up emails, etc. Also, email me your freebie. I'll give you a quick review right now.

      I am on Skype. I just sent you a request.

      YOU DON'T HAVE TO SPEND MONEY TO TEST IT! lol Who told you that?! I'll also email you (or talk to you on Skype) about some cool free ways to get traffic to your squeeze page without spending a dime.

      JaVaun T
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      • Profile picture of the author Sebastian Alexander
        Originally Posted by iRunThis View Post

        YOU DON'T HAVE TO SPEND MONEY TO TEST IT! lol Who told you that?!
        Well, I just don't see how else I'm going to get anyone to come to some random site on the intertubes. I know about YouTube and things like that, but I get the impression it takes a very long time. But hey, I'm all for being educated. haha

        K, for the record, this is the website itself:

        www.insidertrafficsecret.com

        If anyone can go through the funnel and tell me how it strikes you, I'd be grateful.
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        • Profile picture of the author iRunThis
          Originally Posted by Sebastian Alexander View Post

          Well, I just don't see how else I'm going to get anyone to come to some random site on the intertubes. I know about YouTube and things like that, but I get the impression it takes a very long time. But hey, I'm all for being educated. haha

          K, for the record, this is the website itself:

          www.insidertrafficsecret.com

          If anyone can go through the funnel and tell me how it strikes you, I'd be grateful. You can just go ahead and unsubscribe later. I only want feedback.

          JaVaun, almost 1am in New York and I'm exhausted. Going to add you back on Skype tomorrow. 'Night all.
          No problem. I'm in eastern time zone as well. Just a night person.
          Also, you may not see it now. I have a few ways though, I'll talk to you about it tomorrow.

          JaVaun T
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          "Grammar: The difference between knowing your sh*t, and knowing you're sh*t." -A Wise Man
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  • Profile picture of the author kylenelson24
    Post this in the copywriter forum as a thread and you will get a lot more advice. I have posted in there many times and always get fantastic advice. Definitely some of the best copywriters hang out on WF.
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