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A very personal (and long) story - don't read if you are sensitive.

by Andyhenry
64 replies
Hi Warriors,

Yesterday I had a funny day and it really brought home a lesson I wanted to share with you.

When I started out in IM I was married, in the military and my head was filled with thoughts of starting a family and making money from home and being a great dad.

I had some debt. Not enough to stop me sleeping, but enough that I fealt uneasy when I went to the ATM or when mail came through the letterbox.

The reality was that over the years I'd always had a habit of spending a little more than I was earning and never had any savings to fall back on.

Living like that resulted in me always feeling anxious about anything to do with money.

Sometimes I'd overspend and get caught short and end up selling some things in order to cover a bill.

I knew this wasn't right but it sort of seemed normal at the time.

I looked upon debt at just part of life.

Well after 14 years in the military and 10 years of marriage, I left the military and pretty quickly afterwards got divorced too.

We had just decided it was time to have children but didn't have them, so I suddenly went to a single life with no expectation of children anymore and took on the joint debt we'd built up over the years.

Now, you're probably wondering why I'm telling you all of that.

It's to give you an idea of where my mind was at when all this was going on.

I wanted to cope with the debt but never really realised just what that much debt (around $100k) actually meant when you had no house and only enough income to pay all of the minimum payments - no more.

The debt seemed like it would last forever and tie my hands behind my back as far as being able to create a successful life and have a business.

Whenever the phone rang - I worried.

Whenever the mail arrived - I worried.

Whenever someone knocked at the door - I worried.

It got so that I was having anxiety almost constantly.


That was a very powerful state to be in. A debilitating state, but very powerful and all of the things happening at the time were anchored to it.

Now - we get back to the good bit (yes it's ok now).

Once I got to the point of no return with the debt my (my personal) only option was to make more money and deal with the debt.

So over the years, using Internet Marketing to help me, I did that.

In most peoples terms I've got it pretty good now and I have a good life.

However, some of my bad habits and mentality still linger.

I still have no savings.

I still spend too much.

I still am pretty irresponsible with money - and I know it.

Last month I gave away around $4000 to help other people out - but I didn't check whether I had the money to spare. I had a good month revenue-wise so I was on auto-pilot giving away what I thought felt right.

That was ok, but yesterday my bank account went straight to the limit of my overdraft facility.

It turned out that my card was cloned and some one had spent my money.

I spotted it quickly because two bills for £300 for 'fuel' from a company in Wales showed up - and not only was I not in Wales buying fuel, I was in Slovakia delivering training, so there was no question something was wrong.

So all in all - I went from booking tickets for my upcoming travel to paying an emergency visit to the bank to stop my card and work out what to do.


So - why am I telling you all this?

Because at that moment when I checked my account and all of my money was gone (I had a few hundred pounds in cash on me so it wasn't completely all gone) - My mind went right back to my earlier financially worrying days and I broke out in a sweat on the spot.

I thought those days were long behind me.

But what I noticed was that as soon as my mind went back to that state - I was worried about everything. I was thinking about my rent being paid today but no money in the bank - would I be out on the street - with no savings?

I fealt like the world had crumbled and I started to see all of the ways things could go wrong and my life could be bad.

All this over a few hours. I was wondering could I afford food now?

Instead of having a health meal like I usually would - I went to McDonalds and had some fast food.

It was like I'd been thrown straight back in to the worst time of my life.


All that - from one small problem at the bank.

Now, this has been a long post and I thank you if you got this far because the message I have is really important.

In fact, there are two lessons.


1 - Don't let this happen to you. Make sure you have savings. Whatever your situation is, you can probably put something small away each month - you'll be surprised how it adds up and if life catches you out - it will save you the stress.

2 - The only problem that really occured for me yesterday (in reality) was the change in my mindset.

I went from a world of positive possibilities to a world of pain - almost in an instant.

It reminded me just how powerful your mindset is - it's your world.

Particularly - when you have a negative mindset.

If I kept that negative mindset, I have absolutely no doubt that I would struggle to create success in my life and succeed at attracting failure and misery.


I know a lot of people that are struggling think the mindset stuff is just what you read about in books and doesn't apply to 'normal' people -but I can assure you - it applies to YOU. Maybe more than you know, and it may be crippling you and your dreams.

If you're currently in a negative place where you don't believe your life is likely to get much better - I'd love you to do me a favour. Go outside on a sunny day, give yourself some time to let your mind go blank and just admire nature and remember that life is what you make it. It's not based on the stuff around you. It's not based on the people around you or your education - it's a personal thing between you and the Universe or God. You're not in a competition with anyone - you are the only person who lives your life and you deserve it to be a great one full of love and happiness.

Love and happiness are feelings which you control - so do what you need to in order to tap into those - they'll change your life.

Expect success and look for opportunities and signs of it whatever is happening and wherever you go - it will start to find you like a magnet when your mind is in this state.

Your friend.

Andy
#long #massive #personal #read #sensitive #story #success
  • Profile picture of the author Susan Hope
    Gosh I am so sorry you were thrown back into that awful state. Reading your description of it was like reading my own a few years ago, it is a disgusting place to be.. at 49 I too have lived exactly the same way as you have described and it does have an affect on your health too.

    Things in most ways are a lot better for me now but my very young daughter (21) who became a mum at 18 is now going through a lot of what you described, she has panic attacks sometimes at the slightest things, thankfully she rings me because she knows I can talk her down.

    And pretty much all this over money worries. She is a single parent and her son is 3 so at the moment she has few ways she can make any extra money, well none really.

    But I wanted to show how it is so easy to be flung back to that awful emotional, palpitation causing state.. because now whenever my phone rings, my heart leaps in my mouth because, is it my daughter, what's happened now, will I be able to sort this one out for her, what if something happens to me, who will she then turn to. So I am experiencing my old physical, stressful feelings again and now I am not in debt, it's because I have to help with someone else's.

    I never thought much about saving either so I second what Andy says, put something away, even if it's a pound, a dollar a week, whatever, do it, you WILL be glad you did one day, if not for yourself then for a loved one perhaps.

    Things are about to get way more sorted out for my daughter now and I will actually have some savings but the only reason for that is that my Mum died suddenly last December and made me executor of her will, which had to go to probate and it is now finally sorted and money released (this was yesterday) so I was able to pay money into my daughters account left to her by her Nan and will finally have some savings of my own for future rainy days - I would rather I had my Mum back though and I would rather I had thought to save..

    So do heed what Andy says, save whenever you can, know that you have and then go and live your life and look for all the positives and make some of your own too.

    Sue
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    • Profile picture of the author Richard Tunnah
      Originally Posted by SusanneUK View Post

      Gosh I am so sorry you were thrown back into that awful state. Reading your description of it was like reading my own a few years ago, it is a disgusting place to be.. at 49 I too have lived exactly the same way as you have described and it does have an affect on your health too.

      Things in most ways are a lot better for me now but my very young daughter (21) who became a mum at 18 is now going through a lot of what you described, she has panic attacks sometimes at the slightest things, thankfully she rings me because she knows I can talk her down.

      And pretty much all this over money worries. She is a single parent and her son is 3 so at the moment she has few ways she can make any extra money, well none really.

      But I wanted to show how it is so easy to be flung back to that awful emotional, palpitation causing state.. because now whenever my phone rings, my heart leaps in my mouth because, is it my daughter, what's happened now, will I be able to sort this one out for her, what if something happens to me, who will she then turn to. So I am experiencing my old physical, stressful feelings again and now I am not in debt, it's because I have to help with someone else's.

      I never thought much about saving either so I second what Andy says, put something away, even if it's a pound, a dollar a week, whatever, do it, you WILL be glad you did one day, if not for yourself then for a loved one perhaps.

      Things are about to get way more sorted out for my daughter now and I will actually have some savings but the only reason for that is that my Mum died suddenly last December and made me executor of her will, which had to go to probate and it is now finally sorted and money released (this was yesterday) so I was able to pay money into my daughters account left to her by her Nan and will finally have some savings of my own for future rainy days - I would rather I had my Mum back though and I would rather I had thought to save..

      So do heed what Andy says, save whenever you can, know that you have and then go and live your life and look for all the positives and make some of your own too.

      Sue
      Hi Sue,
      Sorry to hear about you and your daughter. I can totally relate to having panic attacks. It becomes a very bad cycle. Stress can lead to panic attacks. Panic attacks means you can't do anything. Terrible, terrible situation. I hope she gets some help for this and any debt problems. I found the CAB brilliant.

      Rich
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      • Profile picture of the author Susan Hope
        Originally Posted by Richard Tunnah View Post

        Hi Sue,
        Sorry to hear about you and your daughter. I can totally relate to having panic attacks. It becomes a very bad cycle. Stress can lead to panic attacks. Panic attacks means you can't do anything. Terrible, terrible situation. I hope she gets some help for this and any debt problems. I found the CAB brilliant.

        Rich
        Thank you Rich and yes panic attacks, not good. Hopefully we will now have the debt problems sorted out (these are with service people by the way, gas, elec, water, TV licence, not any other kind of debt). Yes my next step was about to be CAB and still might have to be on some things but thank you for the reminder..

        People in the UK, if you have problems DO go to the CAB they are so helpful and kind as well, I went to them when I was in trouble so can attest to this.

        And yes we are taking one problem at a time at the moment but it is my intention to get her some help for the panic attacks as well (not as easy as it sounds because some days she just wants to hide and won't listen and most times now this has caused her to get stressed about even having to go outside and have to talk to "people" but I know her and if I take things one step at a time, I will get her there).

        Thanks again
        Sue
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        • Profile picture of the author vicone
          Love and happiness are feelings which you control - so do what you need to in order to tap into those - they'll change your life.

          Expect success and look for opportunities and signs of it whatever is happening and wherever you go - it will start to find you like a magnet when your mind is in this state.
          Some great thoughts there, Andy. Thanks for the post.

          Although we may not have control over what is presently happening - it is already here - we can affect future outcomes by learning to control our perception of events and thus our emotional responses.

          By learning to pay more constant attention to those things we want in life, we are also paying less attention to those things which alarm us and this frees us to follow up the fresh opportunities which present themselves.

          I find that the more attention I pay to those things which are truly important to me, the more alert I am to paths which will take me in that direction.

          It's good to see you were already aware of this, as it makes it much easier to bounce back from the occasional misfortune. Setbacks are only temporary.

          Ivan
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    • Profile picture of the author ExRat
      Hi Andy,

      Good stuff, I agree - mindset is everything.

      I buy a lot of books and don't always read them too quickly. I lent someone 'stop worrying, start living' by Dale Carnegie a while ago. It was one of the ones I hadn't started reading. Recently I picked it up and devoured some of it - it's a bit old fashioned, but still very good. Stuff about 'compartmentalising your life' - ignoring tomorrow and yesterday and living each day as if it was a lifetime.

      I wish I could remember to always read stuff like that for 30 minutes each morning.

      I've got the 'no worries' lifestyle down to a fine art now, to such an extent that my subconscious is now in control. I have so few deadlines, that if I book an appointment for the most innocuous thing, my subconscious mind rebels against the deadline.

      Yesterday my mate asked if I wanted to walk with him and his dog this morning at 8.10am. Sods law - 2.30am this morning - after an hour of trying to sleep, I was still struggling. I could get stressed about this, but I know that it's just my subconscious mind telling the world to take their deadlines and shove 'em where the sun doesn't shine. I managed the dog walk regardless.

      I wouldn't (couldn't) go back to 'living by the rules' even if all of the money in the world was on offer. Once you find real freedom (whatever that means to you), you're 'in the club' - you can never leave.

      Hi Susanne,

      my Mum died suddenly last December and made me executor of her will, which had to go to probate and it is now finally sorted
      I'm glad that's over for you. I was in that place a few years ago and it took over a year to sort out - a year of my life I can't get back, which was filled with unnecessary stress, mainly caused by beaurocracy and famliy squabbles - yuk!

      I learnt some lessons from that experience. You either take control of everything in your world and shape it how you want it, or let it take control of you. Most people spend much of their lives in the latter state. I pity them and hope that they find their own personal Utopia.

      PS Yep, I'm an ex member of the 'panic attack club' too. Never again. Right, enough of this 'sitting in front of the PC business', it's Friday morning, most of the world is miserable behind a desk and I have an appointment on a badminton court that I'm not dreading at all.

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      Roger Davis
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      • Profile picture of the author Susan Hope
        Thanks very much for your comments Roger.. I have always been a 'glass half full kind of girl' and am pleased to note that I still am like that which I think has helped me get through so many tough times (I think my physical stress issues would have been a lot worse if not for that).

        Being like that and having gone through crap myself helps me to "know" that I can get her through this but also hearing of others like yourself that got through it is very helpful to me.

        Yes the probate things is a minefield, I tried to do it myself to begin with but quickly realised this was one of those situations where it is worth it to pay a solicitor to do the job, so that helped.

        My dear Mum went through hell when her husband died about 18 years ago and remembering that wanted to make everything as easy as possible for me, she had labeled up everything and written notes for me on everything and I know she thought it was all done and sorted and that it would make a sad time easier for me but she was wrong.

        She didn't have a huge amount of money to leave to us but she had just enough to make the banks insist on probate - of course that process has now eaten a lot into what she worked hard for and wanted to leave to us and that process still caused the stress she wanted to avoid for me, bless her. It still makes me feel very sad that it went that way and that she didn't get what she wanted if you like.

        However, I have learnt one thing from this and lets say this only applies to the UK so I don't mess anyone else up but I will now be creating a joint account to put my savings in, joint with my husband, if I were not married, it would be my eldest child so that if something happens to me, the bank will just pass it all onto the joint account holder and won't insist on probate - that might be different of course for huge amounts of money but I know in my Mums case the bank manager told me, if your Mum had put you as joint account holder, we would not be requiring probate, he was very apologetic.

        So people, if you can, make a loved one a joint account holder (this can be easily changed if needed).

        Andy, sorry to go off-topic slightly and I feel like I just hijacked your thread, sorry..

        Sue
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  • Profile picture of the author Richard Tunnah
    Andy,
    That is a great post (in a sad way!). Your best post I have to say..and it doesn't contain great marketing tips!
    I too have been in a similar situation and it's a really aweful place to be in life - all consuming in fact. I really feel for so many people at the moment that are in really difficult situations, many through no fault of their own.

    Rich
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  • Profile picture of the author Kim Standerline
    Hi Andy

    My daughter had her bank card details cloned a few months ago, so I can appreciate how distressing this was for you. She had her bank account cleaned out, but luckily we were able to help her out until she got her money back.

    I heartily agree about your sentiments re saving etc, I tend to live my life exactly as you do, spending and sharing what I have with no thought about putting it away for a rainy day. It's a bad habit which has been on my mind recently though and which my husband and I have started to rectify.

    Who was it who once said most people nowadays are only a months salary away from bankrupcy.

    Kim
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  • Profile picture of the author Richard N Adams
    Andy,

    What an amazingly powerful post. Thank you for giving me something to think about.

    On a lighter note, my card number got stolen online a few years ago and they racked up almost $1,000 of porn site subscriptions. Nothing else.

    So I rang up the companies responsible and all agreed to refund the money, though one grumpliy "banned" me from ever "re-joining" their site incase I tried the same "stunt"!!!!!

    All the best,
    Richard

    P.S. The Richest Man In Babylon makes powerful personal finance suggestions for anyone looking for a good book to read this summer.
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  • Profile picture of the author Juris
    Thank You for this post
    Your totaly right it`s all about the mindset... Even waking up in the morning when you feel bad, then going to mirror and smiling to yourself helps a lot
    Thank you again. It was a great reading and I hope soon i will get to write my own post like this cause now i have struggle and all the not cool stuff around be but i still try to stay positive and look for the bright moments and things in my life now
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  • Profile picture of the author Richard A.Cox
    Thanks for posting this Andy.

    Getting into and attaining a positive mindset can be very difficult for some people, and it is alarming to read how quickly someone can be snapped back into a negative state.

    As I know from personal experience, it is all too easy to allow negativity to consume your life, and when thinking the worst becomes a habit then it becomes all too easy for lives to spiral out of control.
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  • Profile picture of the author Steven Fullman
    Blimey, and I thought Derren Brown was the best mind reader on the planet...

    I really appreciate your honesty, Andy. A valuable lesson indeed.

    Cheers,
    Steve
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    • Profile picture of the author Andyhenry
      Hi guys,

      Thanks for your replies.

      Susanne - it's not my forum, feel free to say what you want I'm not precious about 'my' thread

      The thing that really struck me about this event was that I am a lot more focused on attaining and maintaining a positive and creative mindset than most people. I don't say that to beat my chest, just that I read and think about this stuff almost constantly and have spent many years looking at how to spot my ego jumping in and my thoughts running wild, and it's something I put a lot of focus on so that I can help others learn the same things too.

      So, if this can happen to me I'm guessing it's probably a reality for more people, and for those who haven't gone through this or are still stuck back in the 'bad' place - the real lesson I wanted to share from this experience is.....

      Your reality really is under your control.

      The more you associate with your problems - the more you attract them too you.

      This is not some fluffy idea I've read in a book - it's reality for me and every other person I've ever met (and I've met a lot of people).

      If you're in a negative space right now things are warped and you probably also don't want to hear that you can think your way out of your problems.

      In reality you can't - but the truth is - you do control how you feel, so if you're not feeling good there's DEFINITELY something you can do to change that.

      When you feel loved it's not because someone 'made' you, it's just that you allowed yourself to create those feelings. Think about that.

      Any time your mind goes into negative overload - think of it like the Matrix having a glitch. Remember that you control the matrix.

      Remember the scene in the film where Neo tried to make the jump? the only way to actually succeed is if you truly believe you will. Once you know you will - the jump is trivial.

      This mindset issue is just like that.

      If you've never made the jump and you're in a negative place thinking there's no way out - that will be your reality (you will ensure that).

      If you take a leap of faith, or practice starting to believe it's possible - you'll get there.

      We talk all the time here about what it takes to be successful and all the minutia of the different actions you can take - but fundamentally unless you believe you will succeed - you can screw up any method.

      Also, if you truly believe you can do it - you can make almost any model work for you.

      So my message to you is - BELIEVE!

      Not in a "I'll give it a try" sort of way - but in a "This is it! there is no option other than success and I will look at my plan of action and make sure it's something I can believe in - and that I will whole-heartedly get behind and push to success".

      If you're half doing something right now because you don't really know whether it will work - it won't.

      If you're 'dabbling' in something you're not interested in just to see what comes of it - stop!

      Create a plan that you can get behind and don't let anyone (even me) tell you it will fail.

      Don't expect no setbacks or failure - those things bring with them massive lessons which will ensure you remain successful once it happens.

      And remember that your Warrior family is always here to give you support or a reality check, so you're not alone in your journey.


      Andy
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      nothing to see here.

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      • Profile picture of the author billmyers
        I am too at a bit of a crossroads in my life.

        Just been made redundant, and having been in the job less than 2 years I get absolutley sweet fa as a redundancy package.

        Nightmare. Luckliy, I don't have much debt, and I can claim my dole, but I absolutlety HATE IT.

        Unlike many people in the UK, I don't want to be sat on my fat arse watching Jeremy Kyle and eating microwave meals.

        I actually want to amke something of my life. Which is why I paid to join the war room and am here ranting at you now.

        Remember - in these uncertain times it can all end tomorrow.

        There is no such thing as a secure job.

        Luckily, I've got £200 in the bank to last me a couple of weeks, and just wanted to ask anyone what would be their plan of action now. Where I live there are NO jobs. The queues outside the job centre are ridiculous every day.

        I want to make a success of myself online. I have a website which turns over about £50 a month, but I want to make it more. I cannot afford PPC.

        Please help.
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        • Profile picture of the author Steven Wagenheim
          Andy, I can't even begin to tell you how much your post reminded me of
          an earlier time in my life just before I started IM.

          I too, today, am doing well and don't think about the possibility that things
          could turn sour in an instant. Fortunately, I am a cheap SOB and save almost
          every dime I make. My bank account is well stuffed while I live in a shack
          and eat turkey sandwiches for lunch and chicken nuggets and turkey
          burgers for dinner. I almost never go out to eat nor buy anything for myself
          short of the recording studio I purchased in October of last year. And even
          that was only a few thousand dollars.

          If you need anything, and I do mean anything at all, I am here to help. I
          know we haven't always seen eye to eye, but as far as I'm concerned,
          you're one of the good guys and one of the most helpful and giving members
          of this forum. Maybe you're a little too giving. Some would say there's
          nothing wrong with that.

          Anyway, my prayers are with you. I know that because of the incredible
          mindset that you have, you will come out of this stronger than ever and
          richer for it.

          But please try saving a few pounds here and there.
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          • Profile picture of the author bgmacaw
            This song always cheers me up when I'm feeling down...


            After the flood all the colors came out
            It's a Beautiful Day
            Don't let it get away
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          • Profile picture of the author Andyhenry
            Originally Posted by Steven Wagenheim View Post

            I know that because of the incredible
            mindset that you have, you will come out of this stronger than ever and
            richer for it.

            But please try saving a few pounds here and there.

            I already have - that's why I wanted to post this - because I know some people are still in that place and when you're there it seems like there's no way out - but the path is simple but sometimes no so easy to see.

            I really will start to having savings now - this was the tipping point
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            nothing to see here.

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            • Profile picture of the author Richard Tunnah
              I have been guilty like many of not saving. However I decided to change that a few years back. I opened a savings account with a paying in book. I set up a monthly transfer to this account. I don't miss the money and I'm not tempted to dip into it after a night out or while shopping as I don't carry my paying in book and deliberately have no cashcard for it.
              Anyway that's what I did and it's worked great for me. It's amazing how quickly it adds up!

              Rich
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            • Profile picture of the author Liam Hamer
              Thanks for sharing this Andy The ability to look within and realise where our strengths and weaknesses lie is critical to moving forward, both personally and professionally. You've set a fantastic example to us all with your words here
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            • Profile picture of the author derekwong28
              Thanks very much Andy for posting this. Right now, I am going through a horrible time about my business. Since August last year, my websites have been subjected to waves upon waves of banning by Google. Just when I finally that things have been sorted out, I got delivered what could be coup de grace a few days ago.

              Something went horrible wrong with my most important media company that was completely beyond my control. It is true that my Adsense account was banned in April and that was absolutely nothing compared to this. It is as my complete business strategy got turned completely upside down. Since Sep last year, I have been in overdrive and have spent more than $36000 on my business. Although all that money had been recouped, the fact remains I have not been able to resuscitate my business and I am totally exhausted Unless the problem with the media company gets sorted out quickly, I will be forced to change my business strategy completely.

              Therefore, I have been shell shocked for the last few days and have hardly done any work. I feel that I had to take a break to come up with a plan to deal with this. At least a good amount of passive income is still being generated at the moment. However, giving up is not an option as I am the only money earner now. Since I was a virologist, it would probably be quite easy to find some work now. I just don't want to. The other day when I was working with my computer sipping coffee in a local park. I told myself that I want to resolutely defend this lifestyle at all cost. Not withstanding that it would make thing very difficult for my wife if I work away from home again. She has her hands full already looking after an autistic daughter and younger very jealous and aggressive daughter who is more and more difficult to deal with.

              IM is very volatile and I agree if you go full-time, you should definitely make an effort to put something aside. At least I am grateful that I do have good savings and assets that could last me and my family a number of years if things continue to go wrong.


              Derek
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  • Profile picture of the author artwebster
    Hi, Andy,

    I'm glad your story turned out well - I could tell my story and explain why mind set has absolutely nothing to do with anything.

    I won't tell my story but here are the high (low) points

    Mind set would not have stopped the cancer I developed at age 11 and have today.
    Mind set would not have stopped a doctor misdiagnosing me (admittedly his might have)
    Mind set would not have stopped my first wife from dying of cancer
    Mind set would not have stopped the deaths of my second wife and two children
    Mind set would not have stopped my third wife walking where a drunk driver wanted to go.

    I do not have a mind set - it is more like a jelly and eager to approach and embrace every experience to the utmost.
    The time I live on is generally accepted as borrowed but it is not my mind set that keeps me alive - it is that I just have too much to do to die.
    A set mind is like a blocked drain - it stops some things going through but lets far too much that should be disposed of contaminate the area it serves.

    I am sure that, if you really looked back and forgot all the stuff you have read about mind set, it was your sheer beligerant stubbornness against circumstances that were not to your liking and your inate ability to keep on keeping on that pulled you through.

    If you want to call that mind set, go ahead.

    I call it LIVING!
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  • Profile picture of the author scattermouse
    Great post, Andy, thanks.

    When I was starting out on the road of making money for myself, then I tried to find out as much as I could from the successful people who had already made it.

    I found out an interesting thing - almost all of them had a story like yours.

    I think that the real drive to success is the sort of thing that can only be created when you're in a really bad place. If you're still in your comfort zone, there's no real desire to succeed, just a vague feeling that things could be better.

    I'd be prepared to bet almost all of the successful warriors have been through at least one period when money, or rather lack of it, was the bane of their lives.

    You're obviously successful now, so something worked for you. But the fact that you could go back to that anxious mindset that quickly shows how motivated you are to keep creating more success, and more security for yourself. I know it seems like a bad thing, but I think it's a good thing too.

    Hopefully I can be in your situation soon. Thanks again for the motivational post, and I take on board the point about saving some money too. Something I need to do, I think
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  • Profile picture of the author Jesus Perez
    Andy, I echo everyone else's sentiments.

    But I'm passing different information along that will help you going forward.
    This has nothing to do with savings. It has to do with using the right "tools".

    Over in the state's, we use this thing called a "checkcard". It's directly linked to your bank account and uses Visa to draw money straight out of your checking. It sounds like you had something similar used.

    If you're using a Checkcard, stop it.

    If anyone is using a Checkcard, Stop. It.

    I worked in fraud for Bank of America for many years before entering Technology. I heard hundreds of people cry on the phone as mortgage checks bounced and overdraft fees collected because someone stole their Checkcard and wiped their Checking account clean. In first-time cases, I was able to place emergency funds into the account, in repeat cases, I couldn't. In every case, the emergency cash was never enough.

    Well one day, the bank had a "trainer" come in to teach it's employees (me) about their products. This "trainer", during a private, impromptu Q&A session admitted that NONE of us should be using Checkcards. We should get Credit cards and pay them in full each month. Preferably Credit cards with Rewards or Miles so we "get something back". She continued to explain by saying "the banks don't fight too hard when it's your money on the line. But when it's a credit card, it's their money, and they fight tooth and nail."

    In other words, banks don't care about Checkcard fraud as much as Credit card fraud because it's your money being lost. Sure they'll launch investigations and try to get your cash back....but they don't care about your mortgage, your electricity, your water or your children's food.

    Here is what I recommend and have been doing for the past decade.

    Call and have your Checkcard shut down.
    Get an ATM card to replace it (no visa logo).
    Get a Credit card with a high credit limit that can cover all your monthly expenses and then some.
    Use it daily just like your Checkcard.
    At the end of the month, pay it off in full.
    Rinse and repeat.

    Someday, and I guarantee this....someday that credit card will be stolen and used. That day, you will be the most grateful SOB in the world.

    All the money in your Checking account will remain untouched. All your bills will clear. Your kids will have food, your mind will be at ease.

    And when you call the credit card company, they will immediately put all the "suspicious charges" on hold and pretend they don't exist until the investigation is complete.

    All the while, you'll be racking up frequent flyer miles or points to redeem later.

    The biggest con, you'll need to wait 1 day while they Express a new card to you (which banks NEVER do with Checkcards).

    I hope you read this...I hope you get it...whoever you are.

    Andy, you're one of the good guys on here....I wish you the best.

    P.S. In the past decade, I've had my credit card used fraudulently at least 4 times. Each time, the amount was staggering. I'm still grateful to that "trainer".
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    • Profile picture of the author rondo
      Originally Posted by BlueSquares View Post

      Over in the state's, we use this thing called a "checkcard". It's directly linked to your bank account and uses Visa to draw money straight out of your checking.
      We call that a debit card in Aus and the UK.

      You make some good points there BlueSquares.


      Andrew
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      • Profile picture of the author Martin Avis
        Hi Andy,

        I'm sorry about the cloning. I know you well enough to know that you'll deal with all this in a positive way.

        I hope that you are not with NatWest. My daughter had her card cloned a while ago and her account cleaned out. Despite it being patently obvious that she could not have taken the money herself (she was in the bank in London at the time the thieves cleaned her out from Mexico) NatWest still took 16 weeks to refund her.

        They even had the cheek to tell her that they only give priority to people who have taken out their 'account insurance' and that she was going to be on the bottom of the pile for a minumum of three months.

        It was only when she got cleaned out a second time that NatWest decided they had to take action.

        I hope your lot get it sorted a bit faster!

        Martin
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        • Profile picture of the author Andyhenry
          Thanks Martin - it's already in the past. Time will tell how the banks response works out.

          I just wanted to share the experience because although I was able to handle it quickly and get out of the poor state I put myself in when it happened - I know others are probably in that state right now and not able to see how to get out so easily.

          The fact that I reacted in that way also surprised me a little and I wanted to share it because it's a signal that I still have work to do (not that I didn't already know it) and I'm sure others who come across similar times will have the same work to do too.

          I count myself very fortunate to be in a position where I can get back out of a poor mental state so quickly and easily - It's a skill I had tempered over time and now I see it happen and can get out.

          I'd love to be able to give it to other people so that no-one ever has to feel like that for more than the time it takes to notice and jump out.

          Maybe I'm waffling now, but it's such an important thing to be able to do - especially in IM where your income is down to your outlook and performance on an ongoing basis I wanted to make sure I shared it.

          Andy
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    • Profile picture of the author Kim Standerline
      Criky what a good idea

      Like everyone else probably does, I use my debit card for just about everything

      I've just paid off a credit card which has a £10k limit and was going to cancel it.

      I think I'll hold fire now and think about the implications of what Blue Square has suggested in this post

      Kim

      Originally Posted by BlueSquares View Post

      Andy, I echo everyone else's sentiments.

      But I'm passing different information along that will help you going forward.
      This has nothing to do with savings. It has to do with using the right "tools".

      Over in the state's, we use this thing called a "checkcard". It's directly linked to your bank account and uses Visa to draw money straight out of your checking. It sounds like you had something similar used.

      If you're using a Checkcard, stop it.

      If anyone is using a Checkcard, Stop. It.

      I worked in fraud for Bank of America for many years before entering Technology. I heard hundreds of people cry on the phone as mortgage checks bounced and overdraft fees collected because someone stole their Checkcard and wiped their Checking account clean. In first-time cases, I was able to place emergency funds into the account, in repeat cases, I couldn't. In every case, the emergency cash was never enough.

      Well one day, the bank had a "trainer" come in to teach it's employees (me) about their products. This "trainer", during a private, impromptu Q&A session admitted that NONE of us should be using Checkcards. We should get Credit cards and pay them in full each month. Preferably Credit cards with Rewards or Miles so we "get something back". She continued to explain by saying "the banks don't fight too hard when it's your money on the line. But when it's a credit card, it's their money, and they fight tooth and nail."

      In other words, banks don't care about Checkcard fraud as much as Credit card fraud because it's your money being lost. Sure they'll launch investigations and try to get your cash back....but they don't care about your mortgage, your electricity, your water or your children's food.

      Here is what I recommend and have been doing for the past decade.

      Call and have your Checkcard shut down.
      Get an ATM card to replace it (no visa logo).
      Get a Credit card with a high credit limit that can cover all your monthly expenses and then some.
      Use it daily just like your Checkcard.
      At the end of the month, pay it off in full.
      Rinse and repeat.

      Someday, and I guarantee this....someday that credit card will be stolen and used. That day, you will be the most grateful SOB in the world.

      All the money in your Checking account will remain untouched. All your bills will clear. Your kids will have food, your mind will be at ease.

      And when you call the credit card company, they will immediately put all the "suspicious charges" on hold and pretend they don't exist until the investigation is complete.

      All the while, you'll be racking up frequent flyer miles or points to redeem later.

      The biggest con, you'll need to wait 1 day while they Express a new card to you (which banks NEVER do with Checkcards).

      I hope you read this...I hope you get it...whoever you are.

      Andy, you're one of the good guys on here....I wish you the best.

      P.S. In the past decade, I've had my credit card used fraudulently at least 4 times. Each time, the amount was staggering. I'm still grateful to that "trainer".
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  • Profile picture of the author R Hagel
    Thanks Andy, for posting this. Both the reminder about money management as well as the bit about changing your mindset.

    Here's a quick tip for those who are looking to start saving money: Use automatic savings plans.

    I do my regular banking locally. However, I have a couple online savings accounts. These accounts transfer a set amount of money every month from my local checking account into that savings account.

    That means every month I for sure save a set amount of money. (Some months I manually transfer a little extra into that savings acct.) Also, since I haven't linked checks or an ATM card to the account, it's not easy to access the money... so there's no temptation to spend it.

    Cheers,
    Becky
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  • Profile picture of the author Andyhenry
    Bluesquares - that's an interesting take on the situation.

    I see the credit card as the last resort for spending (unless I want the insurance purchasing with it gives), but you're right, if used in the way you suggest there's a lot to be said for running an account like that.

    Thanks

    Andy
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  • Profile picture of the author marcus passey
    Nice thread Andy

    Blimey I am your little clone that is exactly my situation,

    I have debts and am married with a family of three, and the ball and chain that I drag behind me causes me constant worrying and stress.

    There a lot of reasons I ended up in debt but that would make a very long post.

    I to had my card cloned and the evil scum took two grand totally emptying my account, that just caused me to slip into a deeper depression.

    I know I am very lucky to have a healthy family and beautiful wife but I feel very guilty having these debts as I cant give my family the simple things they want, but I give them all my love.

    My mindset is of a very positive nature at the moment, and that is because of this forum and the wonderful people I have met so far.

    To our success.

    Marcus
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  • Profile picture of the author BrownButter
    This was a very powerful message. I often wonder what I'd do is I made $5000, or $50,000 suddenly? Do I have the infrastructure and support to handle and respect that money properly. I love IM it's just that the money can be fleeting. You have to keep chasing it, of course, until you reach a certain point of stability and flow of cash.
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    • Profile picture of the author ExRat
      Hi Derek,

      I told myself that I want to resolutely defend this lifestyle at all cost
      We're totally coming from the same place......it's a powerful force, when you view things that way - you are focussing on something very tangible/emotional, and it empowers you to set the bar high and accept nothing less.
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      • Profile picture of the author derekwong28
        Originally Posted by ExRat View Post

        Hi Derek,

        We're totally coming from the same place......it's a powerful force, when you view things that way - you are focussing on something very tangible/emotional, and it empowers you to set the bar high and accept nothing less.
        Thanks Roger, I have finally just contacted the network owner about it. It seems that they are totally unaware of what had happened and I had to give them evidence. Anyway, it is completely out of my hands now.

        I am really drained and it had ruined my wedding anniversary. At least I resisted the temptation to take tranquillizers. I will take it easy for the next few days before starting serious work again on a new strategy.

        Derek
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  • Profile picture of the author Andyhenry
    It's funny what you can learn about or be reminded about unexpectedly at this forum.

    I was thinking this would be about how being able to get your mind in the right place can change your life drammatically, but it's turned out to be the reminder I needed about having savings and getting the best benefits from managing my finances - which to be truthful I've always given very little attention but secretly known I should do something about

    Thanks guys (and gals)

    Andy
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  • Profile picture of the author WinsonYeung
    This is really a good post, and it show us how importance is saving and how power is mindset is. Anyway, I always keep myself a limit saving before I spend him treating my parents and friends etc etc.
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    • Profile picture of the author Zack Lim
      Hi Andy,

      Brilliant post. Thank you for sharing your story as I have learn many life lessons from you and the others who have share their life story.

      I do agree with you that money management is important and it is crucial to kept aside certain percentage of the income to save it for the rainy day.

      I will agree 100% that mindset is very important

      Zack
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    • Profile picture of the author michaelpotter
      At 60 yrs young and after a very nice life the bubble finally burst, my off line business went belly up leaving me with huge debts so all of my wife and i's retirement plan has gone! She now has to work to help support us. Yes we did save but the value of those was reduced by half by the recession. Talk about "it never rains but just pours"

      On a positive note last October my grandson was born with a life threatening problem and was not expected to make the night, but he fault on and the next morning they transfered him to Great Ormond Street Hospital where he was put on a life support state of the art machine. When he was ready they operated and repaired the fault.
      Well he his now a normal 8 month old baby boy.

      I guess what i am trying to say is that money isn't everything.

      Thinking about him and how he looks now keeps me positive.

      Thanks for your post Andy

      Michael Potter
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  • Profile picture of the author Jon Alexander
    An inspiring post, Andy. That's some history you have there. It's also probably a book, at some point in the future!
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    • Profile picture of the author Mark McClure
      Andy,
      How about hiring a personal finances coach so you get the habits and systems in place? Someone who doesn't flinch at ex-service types ;-)
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      • Profile picture of the author Andyhenry
        Originally Posted by Mark McClure View Post

        Andy,
        How about hiring a personal finances coach so you get the habits and systems in place? Someone who doesn't flinch at ex-service types ;-)
        It's not going to be a problem again...

        I just never had enough pain associated with the situation to need a strategy once I had enough money to be able to use a strategy

        This big lesson here for me was about my mindset and the work I still need to do, rather than the money. Although it was very brief and I spotted it right away - the fact that some things can still throw my mind so off-balance like that is what really hit home. Money is really a secondary thing to me and just a detail I should've put some habits in place for a long time ago.

        Things like this are a great way to learn where you still haven't reached the point of proper control over your emotions.

        I'm a pretty emotional person when it comes to caring about things, but something as trivial as my bank account getting hacked shouldn't be able to change my state like that (and obviously only can because of the previous associations I've made about money and negative emotions). I've had technically worse things happen that haven't affected me at all.

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  • Profile picture of the author Roy Carter
    Nice post Andy.

    Isn't it strange how many sucessful people have a story like that to tell.

    My low point was when, for medical reasons I had to shut down my business and I was suddenly £43k in debt with a mortgage, no savings and suddenly no job.

    Like you, internet marketing was my saviour and has allowed me not only to live a life that I am grateful for every day, but has also allowed me to help my family, friends and even strangers on occasions. No finer feeling.
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  • Profile picture of the author scorpio7
    Thanks so much for sharing especially the following that you wrote:

    Love and happiness are feelings which you control - so do what you need to in order to tap into those - they'll change your life.

    Expect success and look for opportunities and signs of it whatever is happening and wherever you go - it will start to find you like a magnet when your mind is in this state.
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  • Profile picture of the author fxteam
    Andy,

    I have to give it too you man you realized what many of us fail to see "whatever you focus and think about you will attract more of " That is what so many of us do day in and day out change your mindset and focus on success and a debt free lifestyle, Just wait and see what happens.

    Regards,
    Eric
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  • Profile picture of the author melanied
    Man, I got a lot out of this post! I do spend a lot of time worrying about bad things that could happen, which never end up happening. And even if they did happen, that time spent stressing was still stolen time I'll never get back!
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  • Profile picture of the author Sandi Valentine
    Andy - Thanks for providing me with a little bit of perspective. Do you have any resources you recommend for working on mindset? I'm not really into the whole "Secret" thing, although I've seen the movie.
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    • Profile picture of the author Ken Strong
      Originally Posted by Sandi Valentine View Post

      Andy - Thanks for providing me with a little bit of perspective. Do you have any resources you recommend for working on mindset? I'm not really into the whole "Secret" thing, although I've seen the movie.
      There's a whole section of the forum for that:

      Mind Warriors - Success, Power, Self-Improvement
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    • Profile picture of the author Andyhenry
      Originally Posted by Sandi Valentine View Post

      Andy - Thanks for providing me with a little bit of perspective. Do you have any resources you recommend for working on mindset? I'm not really into the whole "Secret" thing, although I've seen the movie.

      To be honest, I've been on a long journey and I've probably read several hundred books on mindset and related matter of the years - I'm reading 7 right now.

      Dr Wayne Dyer has some interesting books. I listen to a lot of audios too. Right now I'm going over a ton of Allan Watts Toa of philosophy stuff.

      The first book I ever read about mindset was as a kid - Jonathan Livingston Seagul, then hundreds of others since, many related to philosphy, nlp and psychology.

      I read everything I find, and whenever I read something that resonates with me, I buy all the books that were referenced in it too

      Frogs into Princes is an interesting read if you're new to nlp.


      Andy
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  • Profile picture of the author Sandi Valentine
    I love Jonathan Livingston Seagull - Richard Bach is one of my favorite authors.

    Thanks for the recommendations!
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  • Profile picture of the author Flyingpig7
    Thankyou so much for sharing that with us Andy it shows how much you have changed, how you see yourself and the world around you, to have so much self faith. I know where you're coming from having been in poverty in the past, these days I regard life as rich (not using finances as a measurement guide).
    Thanks again for the wise advice given by Blue squares to aquire a credit card (I only have a debit I think that is the English version of a checkcard). I love this community.

    Cheers have a positive day,
    Keren
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  • Profile picture of the author PrettyJenny
    Thank you so much for this thread. I opened the window of this thread from yesterday and only got a chance to read it today. I agree that mindset is the most important, I'm also worried too much, and procrastinating at the same time. It's a vicious circle, I don't get things done, and then I'm worried about things not done. And when I'm worried I do nothing..
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  • Profile picture of the author SeanyG
    It sounds so basic but: Rich Dad - Poor Dad by Robert Kiyosaki. Every wealthy person I know recommends it. Especially for times of adversity!
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  • Profile picture of the author discrat
    Originally Posted by Andyhenry View Post

    Hi Warriors,


    If you're currently in a negative place where you don't believe your life is likely to get much better - I'd love you to do me a favour. Go outside on a sunny day, give yourself some time to let your mind go blank and just admire nature and remember that life is what you make it. It's not based on the stuff around you. It's not based on the people around you or your education - it's a personal thing between you and the Universe or God. You're not in a competition with anyone - you are the only person who lives your life and you deserve it to be a great one full of love and happiness.

    Andy

    Andy, I have been here 16 months at Warrior and you really have been one of my biggest inspirations. And this just reinforces that notion. Especially a person who gives $4,000 to help people in one month. That will come back 10 fold to you in the future. And I know you didnt do this for that purpose .

    Also the part above you hit right on target. Happiness is truly what is experienced between one's own ears. It is a state of Mind. Why do you think that sometimes you see some of the poorest people who are so thankful and happy in their Lives ?. And then you see multi-millionaires down in the dumps emotionally.

    Happiness is not based on those things around you but is based on what is in your head ! and your own relationship with God !
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  • Profile picture of the author tomcam
    Andy: Your comments on mindset are powerful and appropriate. I am living the flip side of your situation. I earn 7 figures a year. Half what I earned 2 years ago because my business has been hit hard by the recession and by external forces I cannot control, but still... 7 figures. We live below our means. We have some decent savings, enough to last a year at our present burn rate. Would have more but lost $1.3 million on a startup that failed.

    I am a very fortunate man. I have a passel of wonderful children. One is severely retarded. One has spina bifida. One is genius level, and so on. They are all absolute delights. Every day is father's day for me. When our kids smile, it shames the sun. They smile a lot. So I smile a lot when I'm around them.

    Our house? A mansion in neighborhood full of mansions. Cars? Mine is the top-level minivan, paid for with cash. She drives a 911 (ditto). If I put pix of my house, cars, etc. on the sales page, it would fit right in with any get-rich-quick stock image. It would be dead accurate, except I made the money outside of IM realms.

    My wife can only think about the losses. We have 3 other houses, 2 paid for, but she hates me for not having paid for the 3rd. She is kept awake at night thinking about what we lost in the startup, even though we made the decision to go in on it together. It means our mansion is still on mortgage (we put 20% down and have a good interest rate--but not good enough for her, another failure on my part). That keeps her awake. She is kept awake wondering how our non-genius daughter will earn a living. She is kept awake wondering why God punished her with a retarded child. She is kept awake because after 6 months I am not an expert at IM and don't earn as much at it as I do my day job. Every month or so she unleashes hell on me, spending hours lecturing me for what she perceives my failures to be. These aren't random remarks borne out of momentary frustration. She is surgically accurate in knowing what venom will poison me most. To her, I'm a failure at IM. To me, I'm learning. To her, our retarded boy is a lifelong burden. To me, he is the handsomest, cutest, silliest, most enjoyable boy in the world. (And yes, I take on at least half the child-rearing duties. Always have.)

    We live in the same house with the same incredible offspring. To her, life is one disappointment after another. She feels I have failed her utterly. (I run the companies, she is a stay-at-home mom.) I wake up every day happy to be alive and in reasonably good health. I spent last week at Mayo Clinic with my daughter to determine if she needs brain and spinal cord surgery (not yet). The two of us had a great time. She spent a few moments asking "why me", and then it was over. Our daughter knows how to live.

    You said it perfectly. Mindset. I had a not-great childhood and came out of it feeling delighted to be my own person. She had a charmed childhood and feels like it's all been downhill from there. No matter how much money we have, she will always be poor. I will always be rich. Mindset.
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    • Profile picture of the author discrat
      Originally Posted by tomcam View Post

      Andy: Your comments on mindset are powerful and appropriate. I am living the flip side of your situation. I earn 7 figures a year. Half what I earned 2 years ago because my business has been hit hard by the recession and by external forces I cannot control, but still... 7 figures. We live below our means. We have some decent savings, enough to last a year at our present burn rate. Would have more but lost $1.3 million on a startup that failed.

      I am a very fortunate man. I have a passel of wonderful children. One is severely retarded. One has spina bifida. One is genius level, and so on. They are all absolute delights. Every day is father's day for me. When our kids smile, it shames the sun. They smile a lot. So I smile a lot when I'm around them.

      Our house? A mansion in neighborhood full of mansions. Cars? Mine is the top-level minivan, paid for with cash. She drives a 911 (ditto). If I put pix of my house, cars, etc. on the sales page, it would fit right in with any get-rich-quick stock image. It would be dead accurate, except I made the money outside of IM realms.

      My wife can only think about the losses. We have 3 other houses, 2 paid for, but she hates me for not having paid for the 3rd. She is kept awake at night thinking about what we lost in the startup, even though we made the decision to go in on it together. It means our mansion is still on mortgage (we put 20% down and have a good interest rate--but not good enough for her, another failure on my part). That keeps her awake. She is kept awake wondering how our non-genius daughter will earn a living. She is kept awake wondering why God punished her with a retarded child. She is kept awake because after 6 months I am not an expert at IM and don't earn as much at it as I do my day job. Every month or so she unleashes hell on me, spending hours lecturing me for what she perceives my failures to be. These aren't random remarks borne out of momentary frustration. She is surgically accurate in knowing what venom will poison me most. To her, I'm a failure at IM. To me, I'm learning. To her, our retarded boy is a lifelong burden. To me, he is the handsomest, cutest, silliest, most enjoyable boy in the world. (And yes, I take on at least half the child-rearing duties. Always have.)

      We live in the same house with the same incredible offspring. To her, life is one disappointment after another. She feels I have failed her utterly. (I run the companies, she is a stay-at-home mom.) I wake up every day happy to be alive and in reasonably good health. I spent last week at Mayo Clinic with my daughter to determine if she needs brain and spinal cord surgery (not yet). The two of us had a great time. She spent a few moments asking "why me", and then it was over. Our daughter knows how to live.

      You said it perfectly. Mindset. I had a not-great childhood and came out of it feeling delighted to be my own person. She had a charmed childhood and feels like it's all been downhill from there. No matter how much money we have, she will always be poor. I will always be rich. Mindset.
      Wow, what a duel Life you live with. So much Joy on one hand but on the other hand you have to deal with a person who is quite frankly not a joy to live with.

      I have to be honest with you my friend. If my Wife was that way I would not continue to be in such a toxic environement. I know you say all it has to do with is your own Mindset . Which I totally agree with. But there are lines that people must draw and just by the tone of your Writing I can tell this toxicity does affect you. Whether that be on a subconscious level or not. And trust me if it hasn't already this toxic environment WILL affect your Children very adversely sooner or later.

      To me one of the greatest injustices one can do in Life is to accept the gross and blatant shortcomings of a Life Partner without ever striving for some kind of resolution to rectify the situation.
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  • Profile picture of the author forest_boy001
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    • Profile picture of the author Andyhenry
      Originally Posted by forest_boy001 View Post

      thank you for sharing that andy, I feel sorry, but at least you've learned a lot.. well, let's just say that, that's God's will.. for you to learn and be a better person. Sometimes, those things happen, we are asking him, why God? why you have to do these to me. But at the end, we will realize that we are the one who became wrong. And he wants us to realize that. Mindset is very important. I agree with you.
      I promise I will not spend too much, and save more..
      God bless Andy!
      That is exactly what I was reminded of and why I posted.

      It's my belief that the 'problems' we face are just reminders that we're not in spitual alignment.

      Afterall - nothing is a problem until we give it that meaning, which in effect means that there are no problems - unless we create them.

      Whenever I see a problem it's a reminder to me that my head is in the wrong place. Which is exactly what happened in this case.

      Andy
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  • Profile picture of the author Sylvia Meier
    What a wonderful post Andy. And a timely one in my life.

    You see I have finally reached a point where I am no longer eligible for the low income suppliments for parents, and just Friday went out and spent my very last one. Come next month, I no longer have that "security" that I have had since my oldest daughter was born...now instead it is all on me, and being the stress ball I usually am, I have been working to change my mindset...because I know being negative, or stressed is just going to leave me drained. Instead I look now at it that I am finally FREE. You see I never realized before in my previous mindset, how much that check was holding me where I was, because when I worked out how much I needed for the month from working, I always subtracted that amount first. Now I look at it that I need the full amount...no longer limiting how much I can make, by how much I needed to make...big difference it has made in my life...in fact in the last week, gross, me and Vince made almost HALF of my entire income last year...it's a mind altering affect when something like that happens.

    Thanks again Andy...

    and Susan...I had my daughter at 17, just keep being the same great mom to your daughter, and teach her some of this IM stuff and she will be fine. Just get her outta the single, young mom mindset...or it will trap her...

    Happy Fathers Day to all you dad's,
    Sylvia
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    • Profile picture of the author Richard Tunnah
      Originally Posted by Sylvia Rolfe View Post

      What a wonderful post Andy. And a timely one in my life.

      You see I have finally reached a point where I am no longer eligible for the low income suppliments for parents, and just Friday went out and spent my very last one. Come next month, I no longer have that "security" that I have had since my oldest daughter was born...now instead it is all on me, and being the stress ball I usually am, I have been working to change my mindset...because I know being negative, or stressed is just going to leave me drained. Instead I look now at it that I am finally FREE. You see I never realized before in my previous mindset, how much that check was holding me where I was, because when I worked out how much I needed for the month from working, I always subtracted that amount first. Now I look at it that I need the full amount...no longer limiting how much I can make, by how much I needed to make...big difference it has made in my life...in fact in the last week, gross, me and Vince made almost HALF of my entire income last year...it's a mind altering affect when something like that happens.

      Thanks again Andy...

      and Susan...I had my daughter at 17, just keep being the same great mom to your daughter, and teach her some of this IM stuff and she will be fine. Just get her outta the single, young mom mindset...or it will trap her...

      Happy Fathers Day to all you dad's,
      Sylvia
      Sylvia,
      Your daughter must be very young then...3 or 4!

      Rich
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  • Profile picture of the author Diana Lane
    One day several years ago, my husband accidentally punctured a water pipe while nailing some loose floorboards down in our bedroom. He'd not long had a breakdown, and his normally stressed-out self was on the 'happy' pills. At that time we were on the point of repossession, and needed to sell the house within a very short time if we were to be left with enough to find ourselves a rental somewhere - damage to the house was something we could do without. I left him sitting there looking quite cheerful - with his finger over the hole - while I frantically phoned around for a plumber.

    Some hours later, what turned out to be the most inept plumber in the city was desperately trying to fix his mistake as gallons of water poured through the ceiling (and electric light fitting!) and onto the dining room table, while I stood there tearing my hair out and clutching my soggy accounts and chequebook, which I'd been working with when the tide came in. I'd just hit stress factor ten out of twelve when my husband wandered by, smiled serenely and said casually 'Oh well. These things happen!'

    What struck me afterwards was that there had been no point to the angst whatsoever. I think of that day often whenever I can feel myself getting stressed out over something. The outcome is going to be the same whether you're on happy pills or not (the plumber stemmed the flood, the tide went out and we even got the house sold just in the nick of time). Now I just try to ditch the stress and be happy
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  • Profile picture of the author Steven Fullman
    Tomcam,

    Thank you. That's all I can say right now.

    But I mean it from the heart.

    We're all rich. Living and breathing are our rewards.

    And that's worth more than all the dollar bills and pound notes we could ever earn.

    Thanks for the reminder.

    Kind regards,
    Steve
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    • Profile picture of the author djjayd
      Everyone can relate to Andy's story in some shape or form. We all weren't born with silver spoons in our mouths. We aren't all gifted with a super talent that makes us impervious to life's short comings. We can all learn from one man though. This man everyone knows and I believe should know well. No matter what he always got back up on his feet and kept going. No matter what was thrown at him and what knocked him down, he got back up. In the end, all his efforts paid off and he became a champion. Who was this? Rocky.
      It doesn't matter why you got knocked down. Get back up.
      Whether or not you screwed up, or got unlucky, or simply slipped. Get back up.

      Don't let barriers or shortfalls in your life or business stop you. Get through them, figure them out, believe in yourself. Because in the end its you who decides how your life is going to turn out.
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  • Profile picture of the author spookylilgir
    this is all very true you are where you mind sends you ,does that make sense im glad you worked it out and im still in the place where im not saving and go from pay check to pay check but im working on it thank you for the boost hagd
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  • Profile picture of the author rohar
    Dear All,

    I'm trained in several disciplines, business and life coaching, psychology (BSc Hons), NLP, Time Line therapy, Kinesiology, Tai Chi and teaching. theres more - but not relevant to this discussion.

    I recognise many of the names here - I've been their customers in the past.

    And I'd like to offer some practical help if I can.

    I know lots of individual techniques that can help people deal with worrying, and lots of the other emotional and physical stress that people have encountered.

    I'm happy to write posts on which techniques work best in what circumstances.
    I realise that people might want to be anonymous so if you PM me with a set of circumstances I'll create a post.

    If this seems crass and out of place I apologise for any offense - I find that putting things in black and white gives them a whole new and often unintended dimension.

    All the best to all of you and I trust that things will continue to improve.
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    • Profile picture of the author DonnaLeona
      Hey Andy,

      I used to have a lot of debt and money issues that seemed to show up over and over again.

      I realized it was like the story about the pothole in the road that I kept stepping in and twisting my ankle. Every day I step in the same pothole and hurt myself again.

      But - I can walk around the pothole instead. Or I can even walk down a different road.

      So I decided that I wouldn't hurt myself anymore. This is what I did:

      I decided to get all my debt payments on autopilot so I could focus on making money but rest easy knowing all my obligations were being handled on time. I use Paytrust for this.

      I do use a debit card but I have another account that I keep the bulk of my money in and only put what I need in the debit account.

      Big amounts come out of an account that is not linked to the debit account. Paytrust will pay any bill from any account you want.

      Call the bank and make sure they know you don't want the accounts linked.

      You can still enjoy the benefits of a debit card - simply manage the account and check it daily. This is better than the dangers of a credit card. What danger? More debt!

      I have savings accounts that have money automatically deposited in them weekly. You will be surprised how fast it builds up when it's automated.

      I just stopped spending unless I really need to or planned to.

      I enjoy the health and budget enhancing habit of eating at home. A nice home cooked meal and a redbox movie is very pleasant. My local thrift store has all the latest bestsellers. I enjoy sitting on my porch reading my thriller with a glass of Trader Joe wine or homemade coffee.

      I really enjoy the feeling of knowing that I'm taking care of myself and not living in an "unconscious" way.

      When I spend it's a "conscious" decision. Eating out is special again.

      I used to think that tracking my spending was boring and I wasn't very good at it. Then I realized that when I track my spending every day I'm actually training my subconscious to take better care of me and my needs.

      As my subconscious sees all the amounts spent and the figure I want to spend my whole experience changes and what used to be hard quickly becomes easy.

      If you spend very little it makes tracking easier. Do your shopping on one day a week and challenge yourself not to spend money at all on most days.

      This is a fun way to live and it feels really good to know you'll never have that gut wrenching stepped-in-the-pothole-again feeling.

      Savings and a well stocked pantry allow you to help others in a planned way - old fashioned hospitality because you have enough to share.

      Too many of us live like this fragile infrastructure will never break down.

      Andy it sounds like you have already started making good changes. For anyone still struggling I'd like to encourage you to take charge of your money no matter what the amount.

      Even starting today will make a difference as soon as tomorrow. Don't wait another minute.

      Warmly,
      Donna
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