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What to do when someone is always Pulling you Down..

by Christopher Grant
21 replies
It's really kind of disappointing, when someone always trying to pull you down, and you really don't know why. It happened to me this past few weeks, and I really don't know what to do. He is my co-worker, I've always been good to him but we are not close. He always saying bad things about me (which is not true) behind my back.

Hope someone can advise me on how to deal with this.
#pulling
  • Profile picture of the author jaggyjay
    No one can really "pull" you down. What happens is that you allow a person's comments to hurt you; thus you actually hand them the power to pull you down.

    Are his or her comments true? If not, do you make them true by actually believing them?

    If it's a colleague at work that's giving you a hard time, you can politely pull him aside and kindly ask him to stop making untruthful comments about you - if not, you'll ask your superiors to intervene.

    The workplace is like a second home and there's no reason for you to put up with a negative workspace. Behavior like that can sometimes escalate so it's best to deal with it before it gets out of hand. Furthermore, it's bad for morale and leads to a lack of productivity - two things that will definitely affect your employer's bottom line.

    Keep your chin up. You are your best ally.

    Best!
    - Jay
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  • Profile picture of the author edmltw
    "Keep away from people who belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great."

    "Many of life's circumstances are created by three basic choices: the disciplines you choose to keep, the people you choose to be with; and, the laws you choose to obey"

    "Any one who wants to live in peace and freedom will be to live by toil, demonstration of high levels of discipline and tolerance for one another."


    If he is a friend worth keeping, stay strong and tell him of your unhappiness.

    If he is a friend NOT worth keeping, stay clear of him. He will hurt you more in the long run.

    Brother, be disciplined in whichever choice you make.

    "Lack of discipline leads to frustration and self-loathing"


    Regards,
    Edmund
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  • Profile picture of the author acedalright
    For some people (like me) it's called a wife!

    Repel all negative people with...

    Intelligence

    Positivity

    Logic

    Love

    Ostracization

    It works
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  • Profile picture of the author Geoff Carter
    Whatever people say about you, you're still a worthwhile
    person.

    The problem is not them, it's you! (Sorry to be direct)

    You have to decide to only focus on positive issues and
    associate with positive people. You'll soon find that when
    you do, you'll feel absolutely wonderful.

    So make your decision to be positive, and you'll soon be
    enjoying the new you.

    I really wish you well...
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    Geoff Carter
    Business Success Consultant
    Go to: http://www.BusinessSuccessConsultant.com
    Success Not Stress

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  • Profile picture of the author smile633
    Is it your problem or his problem? - Be honest with yourself.
    It could turn out to be one of your greatest opportunities! I learn a lot from those who bug me!
    Sometimes I "look into a mirror" and thus get the chance to become a better person. At other times it has nothing to do with me and then I decide to not respond at the low level I get treated. I just keep out of the way if necessary or else I treat them nicely.
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  • Profile picture of the author cheesy
    Just be nice to the person, even if he is talking behind your back, he'll end up feeling guilty if you always be nice to him. Just stay possitive and things should work out. There will always be people like this, you just have to learn to live with them.
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    • Profile picture of the author Matt D.
      I really feel your pain. I am in the same situation. I thought if I just think that they are not negative, my thinking will change them ... It didn't. Don't try to change others, change yourself. Right, that's the wisdom I'm trying to implement right now. So whenever they get angry and make fun of me and say bad things about me. I just say in my mind that they are wrong, ignorant people who will never achieve what I will. The only problem is, they are my family and it is really hard to forget or to get away from them. Well I'll get by somehow, it's the only way.:p

      Freedom comes from seeing the ignorance of your critics and discovering the emptiness of their virtue.
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      Hard work always pays off.
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  • Profile picture of the author idesignbanner
    We should always save ourselves from negative effects or thoughts because it makes our confidence less.

    Learn this line>> I am right and right no matter what you say.

    Just believe yourself.
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    • Profile picture of the author WendellC
      Hi.

      I think there are a lot of ways to deal with negative people. The main thing to remember is that it's how you perceive their negativity. YOU control the extent in which it affects you.

      My wife and I deal with negative people in very different ways.

      For example, when someone is negative towards my wife she tends to befriend them or tries to empathize. "Maybe they've been abused, or maybe no one likes them and that's why they're so mean..."

      Oddly enough, her niceness methods often works. I've seen really awful people suddenly become kinder and nicer towards her. It doesn't always work, though -- sometimes people just start taking MORE advantage of her and then I try to step in and tell her to get out of the relationship. No sense in taking a beating, I tell her.

      My own method is to first avoid negative people in the first place. Walk away and try to hang out with more positive people. If that is not possible, then I'm very blunt. I say right to their face, "Man, what's up with you? Why are you so negative? You're really dragging me down and I don't want that around me." Sometimes that works because some people are negative out of habit and they need a little shock to wake them up.

      Also, I've encountered people who actually want to fight. If you're passive they get more and more mean. When you stand up for yourself, then they back down and actually give you some respect.

      Regardless of your method, never take things personally. Always be above negative people and remember that YOU are in control of how you feel. Never give up that control.

      Wendell
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  • Profile picture of the author Ajeet
    The easiest solution is to FORGIVE them. That way you get the higher moral ground and find it easy to cope with the situation.
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  • Profile picture of the author MALifeinsurance
    I agree with the above.. forgive them but do not spend too much time around them. I only spend my time with positive people because negative people will just drain you and worse their way of thinking can rub off on you.
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  • Profile picture of the author Paul Ho
    Try talking to him? Perhaps find out what's the problem maybe you did something that offended him unknowingly? or maybe he's just a total asshole with major insecurities.. either way have a good talk with him and you'll find out..
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  • Profile picture of the author jjbalagosa
    Take your focus off of that particular co-worker.

    Do you have any co-workers that are positive, encouraging, and uplifting? Try to be around them through out your day as much as possible. Put your energy and focus into your interactions with them.

    I know it's easier said than done, but when you hear of him talking negatively about you behind your back, try not to dwell on it. If a four year old calls you "stupid" would you take him seriously or just brush it off. Try to treat this in the same manner.
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  • Profile picture of the author elonblock
    The only thing you can change is yourself and how you respond to your circumstances.

    My grandaughter goes to Montessori school. And one of the things they teach kids starting at a young age is "who are you in charge of"?

    I have personally witnessed (5) kids fighting over a toy. When the teacher asked the group "who are you in charge of"? the fighting stopped and the kids went back to playing peacefully. It's really a powerful principle to live your life by.

    In other words trying to change other people is like putting a dress on a pig.
    1) First of all it's hard to do
    2) It annoys the pig
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  • Profile picture of the author SuperRyan
    You punch him so hard that never again he will dare to do it again...
    Or at least you threat him so : )
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  • Profile picture of the author tommygunn
    I would suggest these actions are embedded in this persons character.

    Step 1: Realization - Realize there is something wrong with this person that leads them to act in this manner.

    Step 2: Forgiveness - Forgive this person as they probably don't understand the impact of what they are doing or why they are doing it.

    Step 3: Confrontation - Confront the person, let them know you know something is going on. Explain, you don't know why it's happening, be honest and sincere. They need to understand, unless there is seriously something you did wrong to this person that they can point out, this is a problem they possess, not you. Advise you cant let it continue as it negatively impacts you and will have to disassociate yourself if it doesn't change.

    Give them a chance to reflect and change, and if they don't, it's because they haven't figured out what's driving this behavior or don't care to be your friend. Go back to step 2, and move on without this person.
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  • Profile picture of the author Kazooli
    Think....someone only throws stones to a tree full of fruits!
    :rolleyes:

    Cheer Up, look them straight in the eye and smile for how weak they are and for how much you worth!

    Sincerely,
    Kazooli
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  • Profile picture of the author aussieroo1
    Conflicts are unavoidable in the workplace. What you should do is show that person what you got- that you can't be defeated or "pulled down" easily and eventually that person will get tired.
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  • Profile picture of the author EIH888
    It might help to try and put yourself in his shoes, see from his perspective and try to understand the reasons he is trying to "pull you down". Then, once you've done that, the situation will be easier to deal with.
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    • Profile picture of the author manadospace
      always pulling me down?

      hmm honestly i never know and happen in my life, i have best friend around me, yeah sometimes have a problem but is normally not make we take down our friend.

      at my office maybe
      a lot people workholic and try find attraction to boss so what i am doing is stay focus and positive thinking
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