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A Real Person, Just Like You

by Roy Naim
9 replies
This is a topic VERY close to my heart.

It became close to my heart because I understand a lot what people who "suffer" from this go through.

And I understand because I am half deaf, used to be extremely fat, used to have a massive speech impairment (which I worked on and now I sound exactly like a New Yorker ) and suffered a lot from bullying of all sorts.

The topic is, well, "bullying" in all forms. And specifically online where it is easy to do so.

This means, saying something nasty, letting out a rant to the person on the other side of the screen, when you don't even know them, that is bullying.

Not responding to someone's email, dating profiles, and so forth because you are too good for them and just not interested.

Being tougher than you really are because you are miles away and protected by a screen.

This is DISGUSTING and MUST BE STOPPED.

Just telling you what is on my mind.

People come to me and say how hurtful they feel because of a dating site or for the dreadful Craigslist.

They are right. They are human. We are human. Why do some people insist they can do whatever they want.

What happened to recognizing there is a human being, no matter how much technology advance, behind EVERYTHING.

People are always amazed how when I walk down the street, and say I say "Good Afternoon" to the doorman I don't know, to the people in lines and we can strike up a conversation. More so, I give the "human touch", a tap on the shoulders, or elbow...and you know what, these people I am chatting with LOVE IT.

The HUMAN TOUCH. We crave it. And with a little bit a caring we will go further than we are now.

Computer or not. Screen or not. There is a REAL person there.

It is SO easy to bash someone, and sadly, some people on this forum are guilty of it...But PLEASE hold back just a bit.

Just a bit more and perhaps say something sweet and kind.

And as Conan O'brien said when he left The Tonight Show:

All I ask of you is one thing: please don’t be cynical. I hate cynicism — it’s my least favorite quality and it doesn’t lead anywhere. Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get. But if you work really hard, and you’re kind, amazing things will happen.

Amen Conan.

And with that, I want to share with you a video, from someone I highly respect and a mentor of mine, Derek Sivers:

#person #real
  • Profile picture of the author Roy Naim
    I was thinking about this today again as I was answering some emails from people I don't know.

    So many of them responded how kind I seem (wait till they meet me in person ) and I was thinking it is because of this concept.

    To pay attention and realize there is a human being there, even through the words, behind the screen.

    Now, I am not some special dude, I just had some experiences to know what others may feel.

    So next time you just "delete" an email, or write back harshly, just think a moment and "see" the person there.

    And this of course applies so much more so in person, no matter what age, sex, color, size (did I miss anything?)....

    I see how people talk to young adults, just because they are younger doesn't mean they are not human....give everyone the time of day.

    When shaking their hands, look at them and make them feel you are THERE.

    President Bill Clinton was a master at this. When he shook people's hand, he held it and looked into their eyes. He then wrote down their name and contact information. And this was before he was president.

    Let's make the change, start with the people we know and onward.
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    • Profile picture of the author Newview
      Thanks for sharing - great video! Some people use the keyboard as a weapon, and unleash their anger as they are not in a face to face situation. Sadly though, some people actually thrive on treating others badly sort of a power trip for them. The video is very clever and is a great reminder of what you can say and how you say it an affect someone. I believe part of the quote goes - words said in strife can wreak a life. Great lesson for all.
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  • Profile picture of the author abond
    People should instead learn to be assertive in daily life.
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  • Profile picture of the author KAYEKINNEY
    I always try and use the "would I say this is we were in the same room?" acid test and usually that keeps me in check and I also, when I am on the receiving end of something negative sent over the net tell myself that ods are they would not say that to me in that manner if they were in the same room. If beer is 40 ounces of courage than email is about the same measured in bytes. Bytes can hurt. I should so copyright that now!
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    • Profile picture of the author Roy Naim
      Originally Posted by Newview View Post

      Thanks for sharing - great video! Some people use the keyboard as a weapon, and unleash their anger as they are not in a face to face situation. Sadly though, some people actually thrive on treating others badly sort of a power trip for them. The video is very clever and is a great reminder of what you can say and how you say it an affect someone. I believe part of the quote goes - words said in strife can wreak a life. Great lesson for all.
      You welcome! Derek is awesome BTW and should look him up. He has a few other videos like these and he has a quite popular TED Talk (3 minutes) that is worth watching. He has 3 TED Talk, but I think the one on leadership is the best:

      Derek Sivers: How to start a movement | Video on TED.com

      That said, yes you are right, some people thrive on this power of abusing people. For some, there is no sense of good and evil, just, as Lord Voldemort said it "those who seek power and those who are too weak to get it" and yes, I did just quote Harry Potter.

      And oh, I would think you would enjoy, and everyone else as well, this post/video about the Power of Words:

      http://www.warriorforum.com/mind-war...our-world.html

      Enjoy!



      Originally Posted by abond View Post

      People should instead learn to be assertive in daily life.
      Yes, many should be assertive in life and know what they want and what to say...curious, how does that fit into this?

      Originally Posted by KAYEKINNEY View Post

      I always try and use the "would I say this is we were in the same room?" acid test and usually that keeps me in check and I also, when I am on the receiving end of something negative sent over the net tell myself that ods are they would not say that to me in that manner if they were in the same room. If beer is 40 ounces of courage than email is about the same measured in bytes. Bytes can hurt. I should so copyright that now!
      I like that question, to think before you say it on the good old computer. And it is always good to "take place" of someone else, to see how they would see this situation, and of course, something great marketers do.

      And I love that line....BYTES CAN HURT...love it! Definitely a powerful charity campaign about bullying.
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  • Profile picture of the author Q136
    More and more our society is getting younger and younger, this in turn is leading us to a place. Where there is no one to teach the basic people skills that are required to be a good person.

    The lack of basic respect for oneself is some thing that leads into all of the harsh and indifferent treatment by people of people. The lesson here is very simple to learn. Before you can be disrespectful to someone else, you first have to have respect for yourself!
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    • Profile picture of the author Roy Naim
      Originally Posted by Q136 View Post

      More and more our society is getting younger and younger, this in turn is leading us to a place. Where there is no one to teach the basic people skills that are required to be a good person.

      The lack of basic respect for oneself is some thing that leads into all of the harsh and indifferent treatment by people of people. The lesson here is very simple to learn. Before you can be disrespectful to someone else, you first have to have respect for yourself!
      Yes, as there are also baby boomers, the amount of youngsters, myself included, are more and more as well.

      We grew up with texting. With Facebook. With Twitter. Tumblr. And for some, AIM, Myspace and more.

      Our main point of communication seemed to come online. It is no wonder then why those who can "babble" for hours via text, instant messengers, cannot do so in person or over the phone.

      We can step up and teach them. This is what I try to do as I mentor a lot of teens/young adults. Though they want to talk via text, and I think it is good to do so, I do also "force" them to talk on the phone and you know...they are grateful for it (and so am I because I can explain things faster on a call then text).

      And of course, respect does come from within.
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  • Profile picture of the author tmoby
    I wish everyone on youtube read this haha It's basically the home of every internet troll
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    • Profile picture of the author Roy Naim
      Originally Posted by tmoby View Post

      I wish everyone on youtube read this haha It's basically the home of every internet troll
      Ya know, it is true, there are definitely a lot of trolls there. So weird and sad.
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