Teaching Kids to Manage Anger

This is an interesting reply because I have found that in my own life, as an adult, we can't always teach by example. The difficulty with this is that the example we know how to set or establish as an adult, may not be understood by a child, and as a child they should not be expected to react ike an adult.

The point you make about "Negative Emotions" is also an interesting one. Most adults (and some kids too) would see "anger", "Sadness", "guilt" and many more emotions as "negative" and yet they are all necessary forms of expression that teach us through life, how to handle situations. I used to "share" any emotion with my son, and often this was a great form of release for my own issues, whatever they may heve been.

In my opinion anger is fine, and the boundary is reached when there is a risk of that anger becoming aggression, violent, or as you say egotistical. This to me, is when the emotion must be restrained, along with a very clear explanation of "why" - and it is the effectiveness of the "why" that will eventually re-train the behaviour.

It was funny sometimes raising Matty because there was an occasion or two where I would "reverse the attitude" but in a different scenario and sometimes at a different time, and this, would be such a learning curve to him. By this I mean, he may have been angry at me for something he was not allowed to do, or for something he had been punished for, and he would give me the pouts for a day, or he would release his feelings in some other way. I would generally ignore the issue and the behaviour, and when a suitable situation raised itself, where I could exhibit the same behaviour, I would. Always with the knowledge that I was testing the waters, but only one of us knew that of course

It was amazing that in all of those situations he would see for himself the sillyness of my actions, and through allowing him to experience that feeling, it was easy to then relate that to his own earlier behaviour. Again this was effective, but it needs to be done soon after the initial experience, otherwise kids will forget how they felt at the time.

I agree with you totally, when it comes to suppressing emotions, no matter what they may be. But in children those emotions need to be monitored closely, so that they understand where to draw the line. There is also another complication to this whole issue and that is that as an adult will also have to know how to this, a child needs to understand that to express anger at another child, is totally different to expressing anger at an adult. There are many reasons for this, and I wont go into them here, but we all know that as adults we can't necessarily relate our feelings to a child in the same manner we relate them to another adult.

If my son ever got angry with an adult, he had been taught to curb that anger (if possible and appropriate) in favour of acceptance. If he then wanted to get angry about it later with me, he knew he could do this, and we would discuss it, most of the time reaffirming to him, that control of his emotions in that particular situation was a good thing.

Honestly, I dont think there is a text book guide on how to deal with this, and if there were, I probably wouldnt follow it anyway. Even at 19 he is still my son, and we are a team, and we know what each other expects from the other, and that is what is most important. It comes down to the values, and the morals of the adult or parent, and if they are not good, or mature, then the kid is in for a rough time.

Haha, I am a firm believer that parents should be licensed to be parents! Just because we were given the ability to have children does not mean we are all equipped with the skills to raise them, especially to adulthood. Much like we are given the ability to shoot a gun, we are not all suitably mannered to actually own one.


I disagree. By default and as an adult, you are a teacher. However in saying that, we are no matter what our agae or level of experience, still learning. I think imparting knowledge is completely different to imparting anger. You say "....anger to them" and not ".....anger at them", so by this I guess you mean that you show them you are angry at whatever it is or whoever it is you are talking about, rather than towards the child. My own opinion of the fact that you get angry "relatively quickly" when you are otherwise calm and relaxed, may mean you have your own issues that need attention. This is usually symptomatic of frustration rather than legitimate anger.