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Goatees are Evil

by Rick Rodd
38 replies
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I just had a haircut. Mohawk with matching goatee. You can't see it because I have this horse mask, but I pretty much believe I look way more awesome now.
Movember's coming up and this is what I'm donning right now.
  • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
    There was a Pew survey that said that 87% of the people with goatees were evil clones of nice people.


    Riffle is my evil clone.
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    • Profile picture of the author Dan Riffle
      Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

      Riffle is my evil clone.
      The data you provided proves the above statement false.

      Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

      There was a Pew survey that said that 87% of the people with goatees were evil clones of nice people.
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  • Profile picture of the author Rick Rodd
    Aww... you two are just cute.
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    • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
      Originally Posted by Rick Rodd View Post

      Aww... you two are just cute.
      You're half right.
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      • Profile picture of the author bizgrower
        Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

        You're half right.
        Good to see you're still following Cali's advice and being nice to Riffle.
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        • Profile picture of the author Dennis Gaskill
          Originally Posted by Rick Rodd View Post

          I just had a haircut. Mohawk with matching goatee. You can't see it because I have this horse mask, but I pretty much believe I look way more awesome now.
          Movember's coming up and this is what I'm donning right now.
          Ooooh . . . it's a mask.

          Originally Posted by HeySal View Post

          Um.........as you pointed out - it's November. Winter's coming, so you shave almost all the hair off your head?
          I know what you mean, I grow a beard for the winter just for the extra warmth it provides. Well, that and my wife likes it. I think Rick is from Australia though, so it's spring coming for him.

          Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

          It took almost 8 lines before I recognized the Cowsill's song.
          Took me one, which only proves I listened to that song way too much when I was a kid.
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  • Profile picture of the author ThomM
    Originally Posted by Rick Rodd View Post

    I just had a haircut. Mohawk with matching goatee. You can't see it because I have this horse mask, but I pretty much believe I look way more awesome now.
    Movember's coming up and this is what I'm donning right now.
    Did you watch Axe Cop last night by any chance?
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  • Profile picture of the author HeySal
    Um.........as you pointed out - it's November. Winter's coming, so you shave almost all the hair off your head?

    Whether it looks awesome or ridiculous -- I, as a woman who is sensitive to cold, will never, never, understand why a guy would buzz his head in the winter.

    She asks me why, I'm just a hairy guy
    I'm hairy noon and night, hair that's a fright
    I'm hairy high and low, don't ask me why, don't know
    It's not for lack of bread, like the Greatful Dead, darlin'
    Give me a head with hair, long beautiful hair
    Shining, gleaming, streaming, flaxen, waxen
    Give me down to there, hair, shoulder length or longer
    Here baby, there, momma, everywhere, daddy, daddy
    Hair, flow it, show it
    Long as God can grow, my hair
    Let it fly in the breeze and get caught in the trees
    Give a home to the fleas, in my hair
    A home for fleas, a hive for the buzzing bees
    A nest for birds, there ain't no words
    For the beauty, splendor, the wonder of my hair
    Flow it, show it
    Long as God can grow, my hair
    I want long, straight, curly, fuzzy, snaggy, shaggy, ratty, matty
    Oily, greasy, fleecy, shining, gleaming, streaming, flaxen, waxen
    Knotted, polka dotted, twisted, beaded, braided
    Powered, flowered and confettied
    Bangled, tangled, spangled and spahettied
    Oh say, can you see my eyes if you can
    Then my hair's too short
    Down with here, down to there
    Down till there, down to where it's stuck by itself
    They'll be ga-ga at the go-go, when they see me in my toga
    My toga made of blond, brilliantined, biblical hair
    My hair like Jesus wore it, Hallelujah I adore it
    Hallelujah Mary loved her son, why don't my mother love me?
    Hair, flow it, show it
    Long as God can grow
    My hair, flow it, show it
    Long as God can grow
    My hair, flow it, show it
    Long as God can grow
    My hair
    Signature

    Sal
    When the Roads and Paths end, learn to guide yourself through the wilderness
    Beyond the Path

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    • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
      Originally Posted by HeySal View Post

      Um.........as you pointed out - it's November. Winter's coming, so you shave almost all the hair off your head?

      Whether it looks awesome or ridiculous -- I, as a woman who is sensitive to cold, will never, never, understand why a guy would buzz his head in the winter.

      She asks me why, I'm just a hairy guy
      I'm hairy noon and night, hair that's a fright
      I'm hairy high and low, don't ask me why, don't know
      It's not for lack of bread, like the Greatful Dead, darlin'
      Give me a head with hair, long beautiful hair
      Shining, gleaming, streaming, flaxen, waxen
      Give me down to there, hair, shoulder length or longer
      Here baby, there, momma, everywhere, daddy, daddy
      Hair, flow it, show it
      Long as God can grow, my hair
      Let it fly in the breeze and get caught in the trees
      Give a home to the fleas, in my hair
      A home for fleas, a hive for the buzzing bees
      A nest for birds, there ain't no words
      For the beauty, splendor, the wonder of my hair
      Flow it, show it
      Long as God can grow, my hair
      I want long, straight, curly, fuzzy, snaggy, shaggy, ratty, matty
      Oily, greasy, fleecy, shining, gleaming, streaming, flaxen, waxen
      Knotted, polka dotted, twisted, beaded, braided
      Powered, flowered and confettied
      Bangled, tangled, spangled and spahettied
      Oh say, can you see my eyes if you can
      Then my hair's too short
      Down with here, down to there
      Down till there, down to where it's stuck by itself
      They'll be ga-ga at the go-go, when they see me in my toga
      My toga made of blond, brilliantined, biblical hair
      My hair like Jesus wore it, Hallelujah I adore it
      Hallelujah Mary loved her son, why don't my mother love me?
      Hair, flow it, show it
      Long as God can grow
      My hair, flow it, show it
      Long as God can grow
      My hair, flow it, show it
      Long as God can grow
      My hair
      It took almost 8 lines before I recognized the Cowsill's song.
      Signature
      One Call Closing book https://www.amazon.com/One-Call-Clos...=1527788418&sr

      “Do not seek to follow in the footsteps of the wise; seek what they sought.” - Matsuo Basho
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      • Profile picture of the author HeySal
        Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

        It took almost 8 lines before I recognized the Cowsill's song.
        Well see what I mean? Your brain is freezing. You may want to regrow your hear or start wearing a cap. I'm pretty sure Rick Rodd still has the other side of the Horse available if you need headgear.
        Signature

        Sal
        When the Roads and Paths end, learn to guide yourself through the wilderness
        Beyond the Path

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        • Profile picture of the author positivenegative
          Originally Posted by HeySal View Post

          You may want to regrow your hear or start wearing a cap.
          Unfortunately he can't do one and won't do the other.
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    • Profile picture of the author socialentry
      Originally Posted by HeySal View Post

      Whether it looks awesome or ridiculous -- I, as a woman who is sensitive to cold, will never, never, understand why a guy would buzz his head in the winter.
      Going bald.
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  • Profile picture of the author Kurt
    Originally Posted by Rick Rodd View Post

    I just had a haircut. Mohawk with matching goatee. You can't see it because I have this horse mask, but I pretty much believe I look way more awesome now.
    Movember's coming up and this is what I'm donning right now.
    And Claude has an inverse mohawk. Between the two of you, you have a full head of hair.
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    • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
      Originally Posted by Kurt View Post

      And Claude has an inverse mohawk. Between the two of you, you have a full head of hair.
      My wife tells me that inverse mohawks are coming back in style. But...maybe she's just telling me that, so I'll stop crying.

      Kurt made me cry.
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      • Profile picture of the author Cali16
        So, Rick, take off the horse mask and show us the new 'do and 'tee.

        Just be warned, though, you might make Riffle jealous...
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        • Profile picture of the author bizgrower
          Originally Posted by Cali16 View Post

          So, Rick, take off the horse mask and show us the new 'do and 'tee.

          Just be warned, though, you might make Riffle jealous...
          Or, you might be asked to put the mask back on.
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  • Profile picture of the author bizgrower
    Goatees don't kill people, Riffles or Rodds kill people.
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    • Profile picture of the author Nice Sabino
      Originally Posted by Cali16 View Post

      So, Rick, take off the horse mask and show us the new 'do and 'tee.
      Oh! You wouldn't want to, I tell you.

      Originally Posted by bizgrower View Post

      Or, you might be asked to put the mask back on.
      I'll bet on this! Go Rick, I'll take the picture for you! Better look for your best angle.
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  • Profile picture of the author Rick Rodd
    Just in time for halloween...

    Don't worry Sal, my hair (or fur or mane depending on how people look at it) grows very fast. Not unlike some people who are experiencing premature baldness.

    If that is a superpower then I have facial hair with regenerative powers, making Hugh Grant a run for his money.
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  • Profile picture of the author WalkingCarpet
    Banned
    Goatee will make ur nose look bigger.
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    • Profile picture of the author Rick Rodd
      Originally Posted by WalkingCarpet View Post

      Goatee will make ur nose look bigger.
      Oh I have chest hair too, but not as much as yours.
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    • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
      Originally Posted by WalkingCarpet View Post

      Goatee will make ur nose look bigger.
      I use a magnifying glass for exactly the same purpose.
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      • Profile picture of the author WalkingCarpet
        Banned
        Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

        I use a magnifying glass for exactly the same purpose.
        That's the bald truth right there.
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      • Profile picture of the author Kurt
        Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

        I use a magnifying glass for exactly the same purpose.
        Here's a dramatic recreation of Claude's experience using a magnifying glass:

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        • Profile picture of the author Kay King
          Goatees make me feel guilty. Years ago we had a neighbor with a goatee. Mr. Harry was very proud of what I called his "tuft". Every now and then I'd stare at his chin until he noticed the stare...then I'd mention his goatee seemed a bit off center.

          No matter what he was doing outside - within a minute or two he'd scurry indoors to look in the mirror.
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          • Profile picture of the author bizgrower
            Originally Posted by Kay King View Post

            Goatees make me feel guilty. Years ago we had a neighbor with a goatee. Mr. Harry was very proud of what I called his "tuft". Every now and then I'd stare at his chin until he noticed the stare...then I'd mention his goatee seemed a bit off center.

            No matter what he was doing outside - within a minute or two he'd scurry indoors to look in the mirror.
            Evil Kay.

            What was it you said about his toupee'?
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      • Profile picture of the author Kurt
        Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

        I use a magnifying glass for exactly the same purpose.
        I belive that is a van dyke, not a goatee. More specifically, a dick van dyke.
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  • Profile picture of the author ronrule
    Evil Spock always had a goatee. That can't be a coincidence.
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    • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
      Originally Posted by ronrule View Post

      Evil Spock always had a goatee. That can't be a coincidence.
      "Evil Spock" is my pet name for Riffle. And "Riffle" is my pet name for a black cat that hangs around our store. And "Meow" is the pet name the cat has for Evil Spock.

      The circle of life.
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  • Profile picture of the author whateverpedia
    Goatees make the wearers face look like a map of Tasmania.
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    • Profile picture of the author Dennis Gaskill
      Originally Posted by whateverpedia View Post

      Goatees make the wearers face look like a map of Tasmania.
      I'll consider that a compliment.
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      Just when you think you've got it all figured out, someone changes the rules.

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  • Profile picture of the author Rick Rodd
    Or, Or... I could one up this into a full-blown Mutton Chops. Watched a youtube video of Lemmy from Motorhead. It's like the reverse goatee, which mean much better that having receding hair.
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  • Profile picture of the author ronrule
    Some goatees look like they went down on it and came up with it.
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