Visiting Claude Today...

Kay King

4 years ago

How long should we wait? A week?

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Claude Whitacre

4 years ago

Originally Posted by Dan Riffle

If you don't hear from me again, you know what happened. Please report it to the police.

Just to let you know. The lights will be out in the store...and the windows are covered. But the creaky door will be unlocked.

But it will be fun. Just follow the signs in the abandoned store....I have a deep hole in back of the store I've been working on for a week. I want to show it to you.

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lanfear63

4 years ago

Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre

Just to let you know. The lights will be out in the store...and the windows are covered. But the creaky door will be unlocked.

But it will be fun. Just follow the signs in the abandoned store....I have a deep hole in back of the store I've been working on for a week. I want to show it to you.

"Inside, the blinds were drawn but the furniture was real."

Credit: Spike Milligan RIP

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Dan Riffle

4 years ago

Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre

Just to let you know. The lights will be out in the store...and the windows are covered. But the creaky door will be unlocked.

But it will be fun. Just follow the signs in the abandoned store....I have a deep hole in back of the store I've been working on for a week. I want to show it to you.

I'm happy to report the "deep hole" Claude referred to was, in fact, a hole in the floor.

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lanfear63

4 years ago

Originally Posted by Dan Riffle

I'm happy to report the "deep hole" Claude referred to was, in fact, a hole in the floor.

So what interesting Tidbits did you find out yesterday?

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Dan Riffle

4 years ago

Originally Posted by lanfear63

So what interesting Tidbits did you find out yesterday?

Hmmm...

1. The Master Salesman actually talked me out of a sale.

2. Cheryl is the brains of the operation.

3. Claude is thinner than you think (he may or may not have paid me to say this).

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Frank Donovan 4 years ago

Originally Posted by Dan Riffle

Cheryl is the brains of the operation.

Then comes the cat.
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Claude Whitacre

4 years ago

Originally Posted by Dan Riffle

Hmmm...

1. The Master Salesman actually talked me out of a sale.

2. Cheryl is the brains of the operation.

3. Claude is thinner than you think (he may or may not have paid me to say this).

I did talk you out of buying. I am the one in charge of The Department Of Sales Prevention.

This is true.
A few weeks ago, I had a couple in the store. The guy kept saying "Man, you're a great salesman". I said "We'll see".

At the end he told me that I had made a sale...of course he wasn't going to buy that day because...you know....reasons. I've seen this before. They can't stand breaking rapport with you, so they compliment you to death, praising you as the walk out the door, buying nothing. Always nice people, but they are afraid of offending me...or making themselves uncomfortable.

But he kept assuring me that I had made a sale. I told him "You don't seem to know what a sale is. A sale is when you give me money, and I give you a vacuum cleaner". What we are doing now is pretending".

Of course they didn't buy. The next day he called to assure me that he was going to come in the next day to buy. The next day he called to let me know something came up...but he was absolutely going to be in the next day.

I'm not joking. The next day he called again, promising he would be in the next day.

I told hem he didn't need to keep calling me with status reports. He could just come in and buy if he wanted...or not buy if he didn't want to.

Of course, that was the end of it.

Sometime dealing with the adult public is like babysitting kids you don't even like.

Cheryl is the brains of the outfit. I do the vast majority of the selling, but she knows exactly what to do to make that effort much easier. The perfect mate when selling.

By the way, did you notice how every customer had a good time? And they all bought something? Local actors I hired to make our store look busy. Two of them were my cousins.

Six of them were part of a swingers group Cheryl and I party with.

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lanfear63

4 years ago

Originally Posted by Dan Riffle

Hmmm...

1. The Master Salesman actually talked me out of a sale.

2. Cheryl is the brains of the operation.

3. Claude is thinner than you think (he may or may not have paid me to say this).

You did not say where he took you for lunch? Not that I asked, but a friend wants to know.

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Dan Riffle 4 years ago

Originally Posted by lanfear63

You did not say where he took you for lunch? Not that I asked, but a friend wants to know.

There wasn't time. I had stuff to do and the shop was actually busy.

Had we gone, I assume it would've been the Green Leaf.
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- lanfear63 4 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by Dan Riffle
  
  There wasn't time. I had stuff to do and the shop was actually busy.
  
  Had we gone, I assume it would've been the Green Leaf.
  
  If you had, the visit would have been even more of a Turkey.
  
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  Dan Riffle 4 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by lanfear63
  
  If you had, the visit would have been even more of a Turkey.
  
  Be honest. You had that one teed up.
  
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  tagiscom 4 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by Dan Riffle
  
  Be honest. You had that one teed up.
  
  You could have gone to the Turkish place across the road, Claudes street is still restricted, but they still allow local movements, (l know Mark, leave it).
  
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tagiscom

4 years ago

Originally Posted by Dan Riffle

If you don't hear from me again, you know what happened. Please report it to the police.

You can check-out any time you like,
But you can never leave!'

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Dan Riffle

4 years ago

I'm currently in the store. Surprisingly, it doesn't smell as badly as you'd think.

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lanfear63 4 years ago

Originally Posted by Dan Riffle

I'm currently in the store. Surprisingly, it doesn't smell as badly as you'd think.

The VC stock in that store is so old the plastic is breaking down and the pipes are rusting. Rather like the owners wallet.

I hope Claude extends his hospitality to treating you to an all you can eat slap up luxury buffet feast, but knowing him it will a free choice of items from the Mc Burger Dollar Menu.
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Claude Whitacre 4 years ago

Originally Posted by Dan Riffle

I'm currently in the store. Surprisingly, it doesn't smell as badly as you'd think.

Best Yelp review ever.
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Princess Balestra

4 years ago

Mebbe sumone should call Plooto.

The Love-in vibes could be fatal to the orbital trajectory of this plucky li'l planetary outlier.

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Kay King

4 years ago

sure it was

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lanfear63

4 years ago

I have heard about your Swingers Group. How you hang around the local park and monopolize those children's rides for hours.

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Princess Balestra

4 years ago

As I undahstand it, the Swingah Store is dowin' OK also.

Based in Alaska, they seen Covid shrivel their membahship beyond regulah puritanical constraints -- but now they mnopolizin' on the desire to GO CRAZY as exhibited by people been livin' in the tactile equivalent of a DUNGEON for 18 months.

Like the promotional litrichr says ...

FREEZING OUTSIDE. SWINGING FREE HERE.

My only complaint is their choice of Disneystyle brandin' mascot.

tbh GETTY THE YETI sounds less like a satisfied customah an' more like a prowlin' desperado.

Gotta hope always anywan lookin' in on the Sweepah Store does so bcs alla the IRL people there.

No doubt the Russell Brunsonsprout brandin' people could figure all kindsa novelty branded HOOVAH characters to reach out an' grab evrywan visitin' your store,
an' make 'em wanna puke.

Hey, but listen, there is myootyool kudos in this meetup for bothya sweetest WF puppies.

Claude, you can now ERECT a plaque, sumplace soopah visible, says RIFFLEPOPS SHOPPED HERE.

Even if he nevah bought nuthin' beyond your bonhomie.

That is resta the Ohio vacuum trade SLAIN, tellya.

Meantime, for the Popster, here is a story to entertain fyootyoore generations forevah.

Evrywan loves a "The Day I ..." story -- an' this life-changin' narrative whumps the chops offa most stuffs happened las' century beside I Got Born.

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helptohealthy

4 years ago

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discrat

4 years ago

God bless Cheryl for putting up with you two for a whole day

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Claude Whitacre

4 years ago

Originally Posted by discrat

God bless Cheryl for putting up with you two for a whole day

Actually, In person Dan is polite and understands not to interfere in business. We were pretty busy that day.

We actually joked with each other more than we used to in person. More like we do here.

Had we not been so busy, I would have enjoyed a little more time with Dan.

Dan was only here for a couple of hours.

But how Cheryl puts up with me is a mystery. Frankly, if I have someone like Dan to trade jabs with, it lets her off the hook. She would much rather sit quietly and read than engage with customers...or listen to my nonsense.

After we retire, I was going to just work from home. But the more I think about it, the more I like the idea of renting a small office space to do my writing and video production.

Partly because we have 2 cats that would bother me constantly...and partly to leave Cheryl alone for a few hours a day.

As you can imagine, I'm easier to take in short bursts. Constant exposure to me can be exhausting.

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tagiscom

4 years ago

Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre

Actually, In person Dan is polite and understands not to interfere in business. We were pretty busy that day.

But how Cheryl puts up with me is a mystery. Frankly, if I have someone like Dan to trade jabs with, it lets her off the hook. She would much rather sit quietly and read than engage with customers...or listen to my nonsense.

Sheryl reads the Circumference of Doom Technical Manual when you are watching and Death of a Salesman when out.

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lanfear63

4 years ago

Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre

Actually, In person Dan is polite and understands not to interfere in business. We were pretty busy that day.

We actually joked with each other more than we used to in person. More like we do here.

Had we not been so busy, I would have enjoyed a little more time with Dan.

Dan was only here for a couple of hours.

But how Cheryl puts up with me is a mystery. Frankly, if I have someone like Dan to trade jabs with, it lets her off the hook. She would much rather sit quietly and read than engage with customers...or listen to my nonsense.

After we retire, I was going to just work from home. But the more I think about it, the more I like the idea of renting a small office space to do my writing and video production.

Partly because we have 2 cats that would bother me constantly...and partly to leave Cheryl alone for a few hours a day.

As you can imagine, I'm easier to take in short bursts. Constant exposure to me can be exhausting.

"Actually, In person Dan is polite and understands not to interfere in business. We were pretty busy that day."

Aside from the odd: "He's lying, that's not a real Goatie Hair Brush" heckle, he was the perfect gentleman.

I imagined your office would be an outsized Portaloo in the back yard with a laptop table and a couple of arc lamps The perfect solution.