Outsourcing my sex life

Posted: 15 years ago 48 replies

OFF TOPIC

I cant get laid so I want to outsource it. Somebody can come along with me on dates and do all the chatting up etc.

They have to arrange the dates, find the chicks etc.

As soon as it comes to the nookie - amscray - I'll take it from there. So you gotta talk me up, put me in a good light etc.

Basically I just want to hang around and not say much until you have the job done then I can step in - OK.

I'm looking for someone that can provide me with 5-6 hot dates per month minimum.

Please place your bids.

15 years ago

Gareth - you really are one sick puppy.

So outsource - they're called hookers:rolleyes:

[ 0 ] Thank this user
1 reply

Signature

Saving one dog will not change the world - but the world changes forever for that one dog

***

https://www.pawsofwar.org/

2024 Patriot's Award for Service to Veterans

15 years ago

How much would you pay me? Does that make me a pimp?

No seriously, you want to get laid? Go after their heart, mind and soul. Become really sincerely interested in that and you will have no problem with the physical part.

[ 0 ] Thank this user
2 replies

Signature

Over 50 Dating

15 years ago

Originally Posted by TimPhelan

Tim,

Cite your sources, please. No plagiarism.

Ken

PS - Kay is right. Gareth, this is your second thread, that I'm aware of, in
which you lament about this issue. Just tap the ATM and get it taken care
of. Only a suggestion...

[ 0 ] Thank this user
1 reply

TimPhelan

TimPhelan

TimPhelan

Posts: Threads: Thanks: Account age: less than a second

15 years ago

Well, that's just generally speaking. An opinion. How can I site sources on my opinion? Then again, some women just want sex, no strings attached type of deal. I think Gareth is looking for that without having to pay, but those aren't easy to find and then those types are usually looking for the physical attraction themselves, which poses a problem when gareth appears to be a robot.

Originally Posted by KenThompson

Tim,

Cite your sources, please. No plagiarism.

Ken
- [ 0 ] Thank this user
- 1 reply
Signature
Over 50 Dating
- KenThompson
  
  KenThompson
  
  KenThompson
  
  Posts: Threads: Thanks: Account age: less than a second
  
  15 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by TimPhelan
  
  ... which poses a problem when gareth appears to be a robot.
  
  Gareth? Care to weigh in on that one?
  
  Is there something you're not telling us?
  
  Look, you're being stubborn about this idea of not paying to
  ease your pain and suffering. When you need a doctor, dentist,
  or lawyer - you pay.
  
  Same concept. It's easy. Besides, going to those three is usually
  unpleasant, but you still pay.
  
  So... what's the problem?
  
  Ken
  
  [ 0 ] Thank this user
  
  1 reply
  
  TimPhelan
  
  TimPhelan
  
  TimPhelan
  
  Posts: Threads: Thanks: Account age: less than a second
  
  15 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by KenThompson
  
  Gareth? Care to weigh in on that one?
  
  Is there something you're not telling us?
  
  Just going by his avatar. What's there to weigh in on?
  
  [ 0 ] Thank this user
  
  Signature
  Over 50 Dating

15 years ago

Originally Posted by TimPhelan

No seriously, you want to get laid? Go after their heart, mind and soul. Become really sincerely interested in that and you will have no problem with the physical part.

Are you telling him to be become a psychologist?

[ 0 ] Thank this user

Signature

People make good money selling to the rich. But the rich got rich selling to the masses.

TLTheLiberator

TLTheLiberator

TLTheLiberator

Posts: Threads: Thanks: Account age: less than a second

15 years ago

I just saw the movie about people using surrogate bodies staring Bruce Willis.

It's named The Surrogates

It was a hoot.

People electro-shocked their surrogate bodies for stimulation & pleasure.

YouTube - ‪Surrogates Trailer...
- [ 1 ] Thank this user
- 1 reply
Signature

"It's easier to fool people than to convince them that they have been fooled. -- Mark Twain
- John Henderson
  
  John Henderson
  
  John Henderson
  
  Posts: Threads: Thanks: Account age: less than a second
  
  15 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by TLTheLiberator
  
  I just saw the movie about people using surrogate bodies staring Bruce Willis.
  
  It's named The Surrogates
  
  It was a hoot.
  
  That looks GOOD!
  
  [ 0 ] Thank this user
  
  1 reply
  
  TLTheLiberator
  
  TLTheLiberator
  
  TLTheLiberator
  
  Posts: Threads: Thanks: Account age: less than a second
  
  15 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by John Henderson
  
  That looks GOOD!
  
  It was a good movie which prompted lots of questions about society.
  
  [ 0 ] Thank this user
  
  1 reply
  
  Signature
  
  "It's easier to fool people than to convince them that they have been fooled. -- Mark Twain
  
  Bill Farnham
  
  Bill Farnham
  
  Bill Farnham
  
  Posts: Threads: Thanks: Account age: less than a second
  
  15 years ago
  
  These sheep jokes are really baaaaa aaaaa aaaaad.
  
  gareth,
  
  They say there's a socket for every plug. Perhaps you just need to do what the rest of us did when we had bouts of the same dilema....
  
  Lower your standards.
  
  [ 0 ] Thank this user
  
  2 replies
  
  Signature
  
  TimPhelan
  
  TimPhelan
  
  TimPhelan
  
  Posts: Threads: Thanks: Account age: less than a second
  
  15 years ago
  
  Bingo. I was going to mention that also. I seem to remember is a previous thread that Gareth thought women over 35 or so looked "hideous".
  
  Originally Posted by Bill Farnham
  
  Lower your standards.
  
  [ 0 ] Thank this user
  
  Signature
  Over 50 Dating
  
  Edk
  
  Edk
  
  Edk
  
  Posts: Threads: Thanks: Account age: less than a second
  
  15 years ago
  
  Having another crack at this... Get into circulation more. You CAN do it. Hopefully, sooner rather than later you'll look back on this post and be incredulous that that's where you were at once. I have faith in your ability here even if you don't. Bin there
  
  [ 0 ] Thank this user
  
  1 reply
  
  Kay King
  
  Kay King
  
  Kay King
  
  Posts: Threads: Thanks: Account age: less than a second
  
  15 years ago
  
  If the chatting is the problem, try this
  
  Decided that site was too racy - so try this one
  
  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sex_doll
  
  [ 0 ] Thank this user
  
  Signature
  
  Saving one dog will not change the world - but the world changes forever for that one dog
  ***
  https://www.pawsofwar.org/
  2024 Patriot's Award for Service to Veterans
myeanne

myeanne

myeanne

Posts: Threads: Thanks: Account age: less than a second

15 years ago

lol! How much is your budget then?
- [ 0 ] Thank this user
Signature
Staff Leasing
We Lease Offshore Employees
Hire inexpensive labor from the Philippines!
HeySal

HeySal

HeySal

Posts: Threads: Thanks: Account age: less than a second

15 years ago

Inflatable sheep are very cheap and you don't have to talk to them either.
- [ 0 ] Thank this user
- 3 replies
Signature

Sal
When the Roads and Paths end, learn to guide yourself through the wilderness
Beyond the Path
- Lawrh
  
  Lawrh
  
  Lawrh
  
  Posts: Threads: Thanks: Account age: less than a second
  
  15 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by HeySal
  
  Inflatable sheep are very cheap and you don't have to talk to them either.
  
  Is this what the shepherd had in mind when he told his love -
  
  "There'll never be another Ewe"
  
  [ 0 ] Thank this user
  
  1 reply
  
  Signature
  
  â€œStrategy without action is a day-dream; action without strategy is a nightmare.â€ â€“ Old Japanese proverb -
  
  KenThompson
  
  KenThompson
  
  KenThompson
  
  Posts: Threads: Thanks: Account age: less than a second
  
  15 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by Lawrh
  
  Is this what the shepherd had in mind when he told his love -
  
  "There'll never be another Ewe"
  
  Didn't The Platters do a song back in the 60s, Only Ewe?
  
  Was it Stevie Wonder who sang, Ewe Are The Sunshine of My Life (love?)?
  
  Oh, oh... Sonny & Cher, I Got Ewe Babe?
  
  Ken
  
  [ 0 ] Thank this user
- whateverpedia
  
  whateverpedia
  
  whateverpedia
  
  Posts: Threads: Thanks: Account age: less than a second
  
  15 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by HeySal
  
  Inflatable sheep are very cheap and you don't have to talk to them either.
  
  Just be careful shearing them.
  
  [ 0 ] Thank this user
  
  Signature
  
  Why do garden gnomes smell so bad?
  So that blind people can hate them as well.
- tryinhere
  
  tryinhere
  
  tryinhere
  
  Posts: Threads: Thanks: Account age: less than a second
  
  15 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by HeySal
  
  Inflatable sheep are very cheap and you don't have to talk to them either.
  
  that's a silly idea, it just needs one prick and they will deflate.
  
  [ 1 ] Thank this user
  
  Signature
  
  | > Choosing to go off the grid for a while to focus on family, work and life in general. Have a great 2020 < |
Mike129

Mike129

Mike129

Posts: Threads: Thanks: Account age: less than a second

15 years ago

When I read your post, It keeps me on smiling. I don't know if this real? or your just joking? I hope so but then you catch my attention.
- [ 0 ] Thank this user
Signature
Short Sales
BillTamworth

BillTamworth

BillTamworth

Posts: Threads: Thanks: Account age: less than a second

Banned 15 years ago

why not get a prostitute? lol (I don't endorse this idea)
- [ 0 ] Thank this user

15 years ago

Originally Posted by gareth

'Can't get laid' seems like rubbish to me. No-one's going to big you up, then you move in, so to speak. Learn from someone who's better than you, period.

[ 0 ] Thank this user

kursat

kursat

kursat

Posts: Threads: Thanks: Account age: less than a second

15 years ago

Some great ideas here, so just to add a few more.

"aim low to guarantee"
"wait till you are the last guy in the bar, you would have more chances of a woman picking you up"
"there is no ugly woman in the world, just not enough vodka"

But outsourcing idea is also a fantastic way forward, keep us informed, how you get on
- [ 0 ] Thank this user
Signature
Web Design and Development - Landing Page Design - Custom Sales Funnel Creation and Installation
Portfolio and Samples
fingers4hire

fingers4hire

fingers4hire

Posts: Threads: Thanks: Account age: less than a second

15 years ago

Post it on Elance. If they will type 1 hour of transcription for $15 you might get a real good deal...lol
- [ 0 ] Thank this user
Signature

Kimberly Best - Low Cost, High Quality Transcription Services
Transcriptionist, http://www.Fingers4Hiretranscription.com/
Freelance Writer, http://ezinearticles.com/?expert=Kimberly_Best
Social Site http://www.mysistagurl.com
Kevin_Hutto

Kevin_Hutto

Kevin_Hutto

Posts: Threads: Thanks: Account age: less than a second

15 years ago

I hear that the Phillipines are the best for outsourcing right now :-)
- [ 0 ] Thank this user
alpie

alpie

alpie

Posts: Threads: Thanks: Account age: less than a second

15 years ago

PMed offer.

Wait, I'm male... and don't fit the criteria.
- [ 0 ] Thank this user
ian sison

ian sison

ian sison

Posts: Threads: Thanks: Account age: less than a second

15 years ago

haha..you just need sex.. =)
- [ 0 ] Thank this user
R Hagel

R Hagel

R Hagel

Posts: Threads: Thanks: Account age: less than a second

15 years ago

I s'pose there's another alternative to consider. Just admit you're not cut out for this whole sex thing, cut your losses, and read this:

How to Become a Monk | eHow.com

Cheers,
Becky
- [ 2 ] Thank this user
Ken Leatherman

Ken Leatherman

Ken Leatherman

Posts: Threads: Thanks: Account age: less than a second

15 years ago

Gareth it is really only a matter of you getting the situation in hand.

Ken
- [ 0 ] Thank this user
- 1 reply
- Lawrh
  
  Lawrh
  
  Lawrh
  
  Posts: Threads: Thanks: Account age: less than a second
  
  15 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by Ken Leatherman
  
  Gareth it is really only a matter of you getting the situation in hand.
  
  Ken
  
  That could be part of the problem. If you visit the blog in his sig, you'll see he puts in a lot of effort with grip exercisers. He may be hurting himself.
  
  [ 1 ] Thank this user
  
  Signature
  
  â€œStrategy without action is a day-dream; action without strategy is a nightmare.â€ â€“ Old Japanese proverb -
Ken Leatherman

Ken Leatherman

Ken Leatherman

Posts: Threads: Thanks: Account age: less than a second

15 years ago

ROFLMAO
- [ 0 ] Thank this user
peterzeller

peterzeller

peterzeller

Posts: Threads: Thanks: Account age: less than a second

15 years ago

Man is this the funniest thread ever?

So funny but... so true! Working 60 hours a week in front of your computer well, I am just missing time here Would be great if I could have someone to take care of the chit chat and be there only when it counts
- [ 0 ] Thank this user
- 1 reply
Signature
7 FREE Internet Marketing eBooks
____________________________
Premium Sales Web Page Templates - Six Brand-New, Richly Detailed, Eye-Catching, Easy To Use High Quality Premium Designs Created By A Marketer Specifically For Marketers...
- waterotter
  
  waterotter
  
  waterotter
  
  Posts: Threads: Thanks: Account age: less than a second
  
  15 years ago
  
  LMAO.............I think Ken_Caudill outsourced it for you!!!
  
  Re: how to deal with love. =)
  Quote:
  Originally Posted by ian sison
  yup and lots of experience..pretty much the hurtful ones.. so how can i help you.. =)
  I'm doing alright, but there's a guy named Gareth who needs your expertise.
  
  He's in this thread:
  
  Outsourcing my sex life
  
  Hurry. It's an emergency.
  
  [ 0 ] Thank this user
Clyde

Clyde

Clyde

Posts: Threads: Thanks: Account age: less than a second

15 years ago

I don't know about you but I'm not THAT into getting "sloppy seconds".

Either way, just make sure the first guy wore a rubber. Sort of a rule.
- [ 0 ] Thank this user
Signature

Generate Unlimited Number of Micro Niche Keywords, Multi-threaded EMD Finder PLUS More!

50% OFF WSO.
mattlaclear

mattlaclear

mattlaclear

Posts: Threads: Thanks: Account age: less than a second

15 years ago

A watched pot never boils. You go out looking to "get laid" and you'll go home disappointed almost every time. But if you go out to meet new people for the sake of enjoying their company you'll usually be able to achieve that goal. Do that enough and you'll eventually end up successful with your other goal too.

Plus quit looking for "chicks". It puts you in the wrong mindset right from the beginning. Instead look for bright, fun women who are fun to hang out with.

Now go shape up your game and quit lamenting publicly over your lack of success in the sack. Losers are not always whiners, but whiners are never winners.
- [ 0 ] Thank this user
- 1 reply
Signature

Free Training for SEO Providers in the United States - https://happyseoclients.com/happy-seo-clients-training/
- Kay King
  
  Kay King
  
  Kay King
  
  Posts: Threads: Thanks: Account age: less than a second
  
  15 years ago
  
  someone to take care of the chit chat and be there only when it counts
  
  You and gareth Problem is you are looking for someTHING, not someONE.
  
  That's why outsourcing is suggested. If you clearly don't get it - you won't get "it" either.
  
  [ 0 ] Thank this user
  
  Signature
  
  Saving one dog will not change the world - but the world changes forever for that one dog
  ***
  https://www.pawsofwar.org/
  2024 Patriot's Award for Service to Veterans
gareth

gareth

gareth

Posts: Threads: Thanks: Account age: less than a second

15 years ago

No you guys don't get - I need to find a wife
- [ 0 ] Thank this user
- 1 reply
Signature

Gareth M Thomas
Serial Entrepreneur
Auckland, New Zealand
- Lawrh
  
  Lawrh
  
  Lawrh
  
  Posts: Threads: Thanks: Account age: less than a second
  
  15 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by gareth
  
  No you guys don't get - I need to find a wife
  
  Russian Brides - Russian and Ukrainian Women Dating site
  
  [ 0 ] Thank this user
  
  Signature
  
  â€œStrategy without action is a day-dream; action without strategy is a nightmare.â€ â€“ Old Japanese proverb -
mattlaclear

mattlaclear

mattlaclear

Posts: Threads: Thanks: Account age: less than a second

15 years ago

So your idea of finding a wife involves having something else get her ready for intercourse then letting you take over? Good luck on that.
- [ 0 ] Thank this user
Signature

Free Training for SEO Providers in the United States - https://happyseoclients.com/happy-seo-clients-training/
PeterDunin

PeterDunin

PeterDunin

Posts: Threads: Thanks: Account age: less than a second

15 years ago

Not being funny mate but it sounds like your looking for a pimp!My advice is to stop looking for it and that's when you'll find it!
- [ 0 ] Thank this user
webpageguru

webpageguru

webpageguru

Posts: Threads: Thanks: Account age: less than a second

15 years ago

Join a rugby club! Bound to find a nice sheila that way.

They do still play rugby in NZ dont they??

Aussie, Aussie Aussie!
- [ 0 ] Thank this user

15 years ago

I must play the field first. I read this article - the average woman in my country must date 80 men before she finds a suitable husband.

What kind of bloody ho dates 80 men ?

[ 0 ] Thank this user
2 replies

Signature

Gareth M Thomas
Serial Entrepreneur
Auckland, New Zealand

15 years ago

Originally Posted by gareth

No you guys don't get - I need to find a wife

Originally Posted by gareth

I must play the field first. I read this article - the average woman in my country must date 80 men before she finds a suitable husband.

What kind of bloody ho dates 80 men ?

gareth,

If I was in your spot I would have some tee shirts made up that said "Ladies, I'm #80" printed on the front and back and wear those everytime I went to a bar or other places where tee shirts are appropriate.

You'll get a lot of women asking you what your tee shirt means and then you'll be able to strike up a conversation on the spot.

Who knows, the 80th woman you meet may be the one...

~Bill

[ 0 ] Thank this user

Signature

15 years ago

Originally Posted by gareth

I must play the field first. I read this article - the average woman in my country must date 80 men before she finds a suitable husband.

What kind of bloody ho dates 80 men ?

Gareth, get with the program buddy. Starting to see why you may be having problems.
Perhaps you should:

a. Get out more
b. Not refer to women who's number of dates with men exceeds the total number of women you've ever known as "bloody ho"s.

[ 0 ] Thank this user

gareth

gareth

gareth

Posts: Threads: Thanks: Account age: less than a second

15 years ago

Thats a good plan, and I'll get some pheromone spray & "planet of the apes" under wear.
- [ 0 ] Thank this user
- 1 reply
Signature

Gareth M Thomas
Serial Entrepreneur
Auckland, New Zealand
- John Henderson
  
  John Henderson
  
  John Henderson
  
  Posts: Threads: Thanks: Account age: less than a second
  
  15 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by gareth
  
  Thats a good plan, and I'll get some pheromone spray & "planet of the apes" under wear.
  
  Mate, that's the funniest thing I've read in a long time...
  
  [ 0 ] Thank this user
JustinDupre

JustinDupre

JustinDupre

Posts: Threads: Thanks: Account age: less than a second

15 years ago

Wow! Hahahaha.. this thread made my day.
- [ 0 ] Thank this user
Signature
I offer CPA coaching and investment opportunities for those SERIOUSLY interested in making money directly or indirectly with affiliate marketing. PM me for details.

Read More about CPA/Affiliate Marketing on my Blog

Outsourcing my sex life

Trending Topics

For Blind Tech Creatives Like Me: Programmatic 3D CGI Animation Development

Transitioning html store to php (WooCommerce)

Thank you, Kay King

Affiliate marketing

Do you make a lead magnet in two versions? Mobile and Computer?

Bouncer - Powerful and secure email verification platform