6 Ways to Guarantee You’ll Never Hear From Me Again. (Quite Possibly a Rant)

Offliners, please don’t disrespect your prospects’ intelligence. We don’t like it. We won’t reward you for it with a retainer. Promise. Here are some things I put up with on a regular basis, usually on quickly deleted voice mails, occasionally in a pitch. They irritate me, and probably don't belong in your marketing tool kit.

1. Assume I’ve Never Considered It
If you ever see my company’s website the first thing you’ll notice is that it is ugly. I’ll go so far as to say terrible. I’m aware of the fact and I’m taking quotes for new designs (If you want to give one PM me).

But I’ve done redesigns to make it prettier in the past. I’ve added better lead capture. I’ve done all the things you think I should be doing. Guess what happened? The number and quality of leads generated by the site plummeted. 10-34% drop in gross number. 15-58% drops in our keep rate.

No idea why, don’t particularly care. Until split testing reveals a sharper looking website increases conversions, we are going to have an ugly website.

I hope that happens soon. All things being equal I’d prefer the website to look nicer.

2. Tell Me You’ll Increase My Sales Without Numbers To Back It Up
You’ll increase my sales by X%? Great, what methodology did you use to come up with that number? You’ll better pre-screen leads to reduce the time intake department spends on bum callers? Awesome, what kind of success have you had doing it in the past?

Be specific when you talk to me about the benefits. But don’t guess them.

3. Don’t Know The Rules of My Market
I can’t have testimonials.

I can’t claim to be better than another law firm. In fact, I can’t even imply it.

I can’t contact someone about a potential case unless they specifically ask it of me. This includes autoresponders.

Please be aware of this before you make a suggestion.

4. Preach, When You Should Be Educating
It is possible, even likely, that you know something I don’t know. You might be aware of some great mobile marketing tool of which I’ve never heard. Educate me on it, and its values to my company and you’ve got high odds of a sale. Preach to me from the Gospel of XZY Tool and my eyes glaze over.

5. Tell Me What ROI You’ll Give Me.
If I spend $1,000.00 on you and generate $10,000.00 in fees that is not 1,000% ROI. This is not a stock, don’t calculate my return like a stock. We have expenses in providing service, which means we have profit margin. Unless you know what that is don’t pretend to know what ROI gross fees mean for the firm. Use some other phrase like gross return, or business generated. Return on Investment is the money that goes in the boss’ pocket. Give him 1,000% and he’ll probably fire me and hire you.

6. Don’t Have It In Writing.
I have a discretionary budget. I still have to justify my spending. Written proposals make that easier. They also let me prepare and ask intelligent questions. They show respect for me by letting me review what you’ve got at my leisure or talk to my boss or the Director of Operations if I want a second opinion. Give me one, a week before our meeting, and you have a shot at me hiring by the end. Don’t have one for me, by the time you leave our meeting, and the best you get is me asking for one.

I am not hiring without a written proposal. If you do web design or back linking all I need is your portfolio and a quote. More complicated, long term arrangements need a whole work up. Give me an executive summary, detailed break down, and price quotes at various service levels.